


My Heart Beats For You

by Morganic_4653



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Falling In Love, Fluff, Hospitals, M/M, Major Illness, Medical Conditions, Mild Smut, Organ Transplantation, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28307097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morganic_4653/pseuds/Morganic_4653
Summary: Akaashi Keiji has dealt with a failing heart his whole life. Why does it start to work as soon as he meets a certain someone?A story of how Akaashi and Bokuto fall in love, and how Akaashi's heart does its best to fuck everything up.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 38





	My Heart Beats For You

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so here's something that I couldn't get out of my head. I had a great time writing it even though I would've thought I was sick of writing this semester- especially with my research thesis, the papers for all my other classes, and finals, but here we are. While I am a Biology major, I am not a doctor so please forgive any errors or inconsistencies with Akaashi’s condition- everything is based off my research. I read through/edited this a few times so there shouldn't be any major mistakes, but feel free to lmk in the comments if you see anything. Anyway, I would love to hear what y’all think in the comments! I hope everyone enjoys, and thank you for reading!
> 
> Mind the tags, please ;-;

The overhead bell chimed, signaling Akaashi’s entry into the manga shop. He shut the door quickly to stop any more of the pleasantly heated air from escaping. He unfurled his scarf from around his neck and made his way over to the section of recently released manga. His cold fingers trailed along the glossy covers, flipping through the first couple pages of the ones that caught his attention. Soon enough, he decided on one of the three that he was interested in- he remembered seeing pretty good reviews. He wandered for a few more minutes before checking out. His lungs expanded one more time, filling with the warm air that smelled pleasantly of new books and ink before he pushed his way into the winter once more. He turned and began his walk home. 

Cars honked and people passed, some laughing and some yelling into their phones. He passed bakeries, cafés, electronics stores, and makeup counters. Unlike most of the people that passed him, he didn’t have earbuds in, instead opting to take in the sounds of the late January afternoon. 

_“Part of this heart-healthy, balanced breakfast! Cheerios will keep your heart happy!”_ Akaashi paused, his hands involuntarily clenching tighter. He glanced to his right, but the commercial was already over, the next one swiftly taking its place with a loud declaration of the biggest sale of the year. He let out a sigh and continued on again. He hid his face deeper in his scarf and thought bitterly to himself. 

_Maybe that’s it. I just need to eat more Cheerios._

_If only it was that simple._

~~~~~~~~~~~

Akaashi set off from his apartment for the hospital- a biweekly occurrence. Akaashi had attended more doctors appointments than semesters of school. The number of heart surgeries he had undergone was higher than his age. All because of the state of his heart.

Akaashi was born with a severe congenital heart disease. His heart valves were only partially formed, which allowed blood to flow backwards with each heartbeat. He also had a ventricular septal defect. Basically, there was a hole in the muscle that separated the left and right ventricles, which caused oxygenated blood to mix with deoxygenated blood. Due to the severity, doctors had to operate to fix the heart valves and close the hole in his heart rather than let it close naturally, as most tended to do. In the years following, many supplemental surgeries were required to keep Akaashi’s heart working.

He had learned from a very young age things he could and couldn’t do. Because he couldn’t participate in any sports or most of the clubs his school offered, he didn’t really talk to anyone at school. He wasn’t an outcast nor was he bullied, he just didn’t talk to anyone.

It was like he simply wasn’t there.

Akaashi didn’t necessarily _not_ like it, he just never knew it could be different.

At home, adult expectations were thrust upon him by six years old, even more so once his mom died. 

A drunk driver had struck her car head on, killing her instantly, or so the doctors had told him. Akaashi remembered sitting in the hospital lobby, alone, as he waited for his dad to come back from identifying the body. He couldn’t really remember the funeral, but he did remember hearing his dad crying through the walls of their now empty house.

He remembers wondering why _he_ wasn’t crying.

The house and all the chores that came with it were left under Akaashi’s care while his dad kept working. It was quite normal for his dad not to come home for days, either at the office or even in another country. Akaashi didn’t know most of the time.

Since his mom died, they had become even more distant. His dad didn’t hate him or anything, and Akaashi never really know exactly why until months after her death. It was hard for his dad to even look at him because of how closely he resembled his mother. He wasn’t the most attentive parent before and now it was practically impossible for him to even try when he was forced to look into his dead wife’s eyes every time he did.

Akaashi never felt any kind of resentment.

That was just how it was.

The best thing he had ever done for Akaashi was, two years after his mom’s death, moving them to an apartment that was located three blocks away from the one of the country's most prestigious organ transplant hospitals. Akaashi had interacted with his dad more during that hot summer week than ever before.

The first time Akaashi experienced just how different it could be was after he started sixth grade at the local middle school.

On the first day, after he had settled into a seat in homeroom, he began searching for his classrooms on the school map. He was glad he wouldn’t have to rush since none of his classes were located too far from each other. 

He was interrupted, however, when someone bumped into his shoulder. Akaashi’s stomach dropped. He understood that he was new, but wasn’t it a bit early to start bullying people?

Apologies spilled from the boy’s mouth instantly. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to! I hope I didn’t mess you up if you were writing anything!” His voice was as timid as the look on his face. He was covered in freckles and his green hair was fluffy. His eyes slid briefly to the taller boy standing just behind the green-haired boy. He looked much less timid and much more bored with everything. He had short blonde hair- Akaashi wondered if he dyed it- and headphones resting around his neck. 

“It’s okay,” Akaashi said as his eyes slid back to the shorter of the two. 

He must have noticed because he added, “Don’t mind Tsukki and his mean face, he’s harmless.”

“Yamaguchi,” he snapped. His tone was clipped, harsh. 

The boy- Yamaguchi- didn’t seem to be bothered at all. He only responded with a smile and a “Sorry, Tsukki.”

Yamaguchi turned his attention back to Akaashi. “Are you new? What’s your name?”

And that’s how he met his first friends. Akaashi and Tsukishima, he had learned was his full name, grew close because of their similar quiet, introverted personalities, although Akaashi was less asshole-ish. 

Akaashi found out a few days later that he did not, in fact, dye his hair. It was natural. 

While Akaashi didn’t have anyone to compare them to, they were great friends. They ate lunch together, joked with one another. Most days they would go to Yamaguchi’s house and play video games. Akaashi found himself rushing through chores the night before so he would be able to join.

What Akaashi especially appreciated about them was when he eventually told them about his heart. They never treated or looked at him any differently.

Even when they joined the volleyball team, they were conscious about Akaashi’s inability to join and never made him feel left out because of it. Yamaguchi even went as far as to beg Akaashi to be their manager.

Along with the new home and new friends came new doctors. Dr. Toyonaga was a nice man and Akaashi liked him well enough. He was to the point and was realistic in his diagnoses, saving Akaashi from any false hope. The years passed, but Akaashi was still fighting the same fight and conceded experience after experience. 

High school saw Tsukishima, Yamaguchi, and Akaashi grow even closer, Yamaguchi and Tsukishima romantically, not that Akaashi was surprised. College brought new horizons. Tsukishima focused on volleyball and Yamaguchi studied electrical engineering. And, although Akaashi knew he would never see the fruits of his labor, he studied manga production. If he ever made it that far, he wanted to work as the manager or editor at a manga company. 

But he doubted he would.

Before he had even graduated high school, Dr. Toyonaga made it clear that he should not take a full college course load. He said that his heart wouldn’t be able to handle the stress. So, while he was a twenty-two year old starting the spring semester, he had only completed two thirds of the credits needed to graduate.

Akaashi always played a passive role in his life, merely following what most would consider a ‘normal life’. His heart was the only interesting thing about him, and yet it could kill him at any moment. When he compared his life to those that he read in manga and watched in movies, he was as far from a protagonist of this world as he could get.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The metal of the chestpiece of Dr. Toyonaga’s stethoscope was cold as he pressed it against Akaashi’s chest. He listened for a minute, slightly adjusting the chestpiece to hear his heart the better. He drew it away, removed the earpieces, and situated it back around his neck.

“Ok, Akaashi-san, we’re finished. You can put your shirt back on,” Dr. Toyonaga said as he started writing the last of his notes on Akaashi’s patient file. Akaashi’s goosebump-covered skin disappeared as he slid his shirt and then hoodie over his head. The quiet of the room lingered, only disturbed by Dr. Toyonaga’s scribbling and the bustling from the hall. His eyes slid to the glass containers of q-tips and wooden sticks then to the boxes of gloves in the holder on the wall- all familiar sights.

Finally, Dr. Toyonaga spoke up. “Nothing has worsened since your last visit, but nothing has gotten better either. I’m not going to adjust any of your medication, so just keep doing what you’re doing. I’m afraid its just a waiting game now.”

The reassurances were the same every time. You’re really high on the list so it should be any day now. You’ve got time, so no need to stress. You have a long life ahead of you. But never from Dr. Toyonaga. He didn’t downplay the severity of his condition, which Akaashi was thankful for.

“I’m going to schedule you for an MRI on your next visit. I didn’t hear anything different, and your tests were fine, but I just want to make sure. You’re almost due for another one anyway.”

Akaashi nodded, “Yes, sir.”

They said their goodbyes and Akaashi made his way down the much too familiar halls. The elevator carried him down to the ground floor and cold air assaulted his face as soon as he stepped through the front doors. He shoved his hands into his coat pockets- they were tingling. He kept his head down as he reached the sidewalk, turning to start his walk back home. 

He didn’t notice the man barreling down the sidewalk.

“Watch- “ Akaashi had no time to move, let alone identify what was about to crash into him. The world spun and the breath was knocked out of him, but large hands wrapped around his upper arms. His face mashed into something’s- someone’s- thick coat, but thanks to the strong grip, he wasn’t sent crashing to the ground.

“Are you ok?! Man, I’m so sorry, I’m just running late to practice- I forgot my knee pads cause I usually leave them in the club room, but- but it was time to wash them and I forgot to grab them! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” The man’s voice was too loud. Even if Akaashi was standing feet away, it would be too loud.

Akaashi finally looked up at the man, struggling to understand his rushed explanation. The man had streaks of black running through his spiky, white-gray hair. His honey eyes were warm, but piercing in their intensity. His jaw was strong, and both cheeks were rosy from the cold, much like Akaashi’s. 

Akaashi quickly decided that, at first glance, most people wouldn’t consider him handsome- the conventional type- with his large expressive eyes, thick eyebrows, and crazy hair... but he was handsome in his own way. 

_Very handsome indeed_ , Akaashi thought.

The man voiced his own, very similar, thoughts. “Woah, you’re beautiful.”

He stated the words like they were an irrefutable fact and his tone left no room for argument. Akaashi was speechless, and not because he just had the breath knocked out of him. There were very few times Akaashi Keiji was left without words, yet this man managed it within seconds of speaking to him. 

The man didn’t seem put off by Akaashi’s silence as he continued. “Would- could I get your number? Please.”

Akaashi internally deflated. He had an agreement with himself that he wouldn’t allow anyone else to get to know him. Everyone he had let close eventually became aware of the limitations and dangers that came with his condition. Friends started to look at him with pity, only seeing him for his weaknesses, and ended up distancing themselves from him. Any potential lovers, granted, there had only ever been a couple, quickly changed their minds about dating him when they learned that Akaashi’s heart couldn’t handle sex. Any activities that increased his heart rate were off limits, which, sadly, included almost all sexual activities. After that, dates stopped and texts dwindled. Even if people managed to get past that aspect of himself, he wasn’t the greatest company. His words were quiet and to the point. His jokes came off as awkward to most and some had even called him an asshole. 

So, no, this man would not be walking away with Akaashi’s number.

Akaashi found his voice. “I’m not sure if that-”

“Please,” he drew out the middle of the word. “I would love to get to know you!” Akaashi looked at him, scanning for any hints of ulterior motives or oncoming punchlines. His hands were still holding onto his arms, keeping him steady as he caught his breath.

_When was the last time he touched another person?_

Akaashi hoped he wouldn’t regret this.

“What’s your name?” Akaashi asked.

The man’s face positively lit up. “I’m Bokuto Koutarou! What’s your name?” The enthusiasm nearly knocked him over… again.

“Akaashi Keiji. It’s nice to meet you Bokuto-san.”

“You too! So, I can get your number?” At Akaashi’s nod his hands dropped from his arms to retrieve his phone from his jacket front pocket. He tapped his phone for a second then presented it with an empty contact pulled up.

As Akaashi typed in his number he spoke excitedly. “This is great. Thank you so much. I promise not to blow up your phone!”

Akaashi handed back his phone, the name spot still empty. “Akashi Keiji,” Bokuto said to himself while he filled it in.

Akaashi shook his head and corrected him. “Its Akaashi.”

“Akaashi. My bad, my bad, I’ve got it now!” Akaashi would normally be bothered by the mistake but for some reason he knew it was entirely innocent. 

“Aren’t you running late to practice, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi gently reminded.

For a split second the man looked confused, but then he remembered the reason they had collided in the first place.

“Oh! You’re right! See ya later, Akaashi.”

“Bye.” He almost smiled at the finally correct name. 

Just as fast as he met him, he was gone, leaving fleeting puffs of condensated breath in his wake.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It started out with an innocent enough _Hey hey hey!!! Its Bokuto!!!_ Maybe Akaashi should have been tipped off by the six exclamation marks, or maybe by their first meeting. But, no, he was completely blindsided. Akaashi wasn’t sure whether or not he should be worried for Bokuto. The sheer amount of text messages he had received this past week was astonishing.

He texted his dad when their different time zones allowed it, but, even then, the messages were short and to the point. Both Tsukishima and Yamaguchi didn’t text him all that much, they just didn’t need constant conversation to maintain their relationship. They did have a group chat where they made plans and occasionally shared how their day went or complained about classes. But it in now way competed with how much Bokuto texted him throughout the day.

If someone had told Akaashi that he would meet someone who would text him the most random things at all hours of the day, he would have _dreaded_ it.

But, to his complete surprise, Akaashi found himself anticipating the day’s messages.

He would send pictures of himself with Kuroo and Kenma, two of his teammates, visible in the background. One time, he went into great detail about the batch of cookies he had made the day before, then made Akaashi promise to help him make his next batch of cookies. Akaashi also answered random questions throughout the day. Bokuto even started calling him every night so they could talk during his walk home from practice.

It wasn’t long before Bokuto asked to see him again.

Three days later, Akaashi was locking his apartment door behind him, set to meet Bokuto in twelve minutes.

A short walk later, the coffee shop came into view. A couple was exiting the shop arm in arm, carrying their drinks. Akaashi couldn’t wait to get a whiff of the glorious ground coffee beans. His pace picked up at the prospect. Just as the smell reached his nose, he spotted a head of spiky, multicolored hair. Bokuto was standing outside the shop, hands in his pockets and eyes searching the sidewalks. His jeans hugged his thighs well, showing off what was needed to be a college volleyball player, and his jacket looked cozy. Akaashi’s eyes snapped up to his raised hand. His eyes were big, smile even bigger as he waved.

“Akashi!” he called, as if Akaashi needed help finding him.

His long legs ate up the last few feet between them. Once they were face to face, Akaashi couldn’t keep his lips from lifting into a small smile. Bokuto was rocking from his toes to his heels, hands clasped behind his back and shoulders tall. His excitement was evident throughout his whole body.

“Hello, Bokuto-san. Its Akaashi, remember?” he reminded.

“Oh! Right, A-ka-a-shi.” He emphasized the third ‘a’. “How are you?”

“I’m well.”

Bokuto nodded eagerly. He stood smiling, seeming to forget that they were standing in the freezing cold while a warm café awaited them, only feet away. Akaashi wondered how long he would stand there like that if he didn’t say anything.

“Do you want to go find a seat?” he said, shuffling his feet.

“Yeah, let’s go.”

There were a few tables open, so they got right in line, not needing to save seats. Bokuto asked about his day, and one glance at Bokuto’s face showed that he was genuinely interested and that he wasn’t just making small talk. It was a breath of fresh air for Akaashi.

His day had been uneventful and he briefly wished that he had a better response to sate Bokuto’s curiosity.

After they ordered- black decaf coffee for Akaashi and a hot chocolate for Bokuto- and found their seats, conversation flowed easily. They talked about classes, volleyball, movies, friends, and manga.

Akaashi learned that the twenty-three year old attended Fukuroudani University. He explained that he was in his fifth year because a full course load would interfere with volleyball and would be detrimental to his playing. Being at the top of his game was crucial as he intended to go pro after college, in fact, a few pro teams had reached out to him already.

“Why did you get decaf? And you didn’t even add any milk or sugar. Is it bitter?” Bokuto inquired.

“Oh, well, I can’t have caffeine. And, I mean, its bitter, but it doesn’t taste bad. I’ve always drank coffee like this.” This was it. This was an opening to tell Bokuto about his condition. He would tell him, and make sure that he understood that they shouldn’t see each other again. Akaashi would watch Bokuto’s face fall and pity flood his eyes when he realized that he had wasted his day going on a date with someone defective. Akaashi would ignore the empty feeling that filled his heart as he made up an excuse to leave.

Why was his mouth dry? Why was there a lump in his throat?

He breathed in, preparing his words carefully to avoid as much hurt as possible. Bokuto spoke up, cutting Akaashi off before he even started.

“Oh, that makes sense. I guess you would get used to it if that’s the only way you drink it. I don’t drink coffee cause I can’t handle anything bitter.” He raised his hot chocolate up next to his face. “This is the best I can do,” he joked. He took a sip and returned his beverage back to the table in front of him. If Bokuto noticed that Akaashi’s laugh was awkwardly forced, Bokuto hid it well.

Bokuto continued on, unknowingly erasing every carefully prepared word from Akaashi’s mind. “I can’t have caffeine either. Kurro has forbidden it,” he said while waving a hand in front of his face. He laughed, diving right into a very animated story about how he had a paper due and decided to drink an energy drink to pull an all-nighter. Needless to say, it was the worst paper he had written in his whole college career.

Bokuto didn’t comment on his weird taste and never asked why Akaashi couldn’t have caffeine.

“I wanted to text you more but Kuroo says I text too much which distracts him from his work. He’s a chemistry major, ya know,” Bokuto said, leaning back in his chair.

“Oh,” Akaashi’s brows pinched down. “I wouldn’t mind it. I don’t get too distracted and its easy for me to focus again if I do.” He shrugged.

Bokuto’s thick eyebrows shot up in disbelief and his spine straightened. “Really? You really wouldn’t mind?”

Akaashi shook his head, “really.”

Bokuto’s laugh was bubbly. “Kay, then, ‘Kaashi. And… Thanks.” His smile was timid.

Time flew by as they continued talking. In the middle of Akaashi’s explanation of the plot of the current manga he was reading, Bokuto’s phone alarm went off. He reluctantly explained that it was to remind him that he had practice in twenty minutes.

And, too soon, they stood up to leave.

Akaashi waved goodbye, standing in the exact same place Bokuto had been when he had gotten there.

His breath paused for a moment, hand stalling in the air.

 _I forgot to tell him,_ Akaashi realized.

He couldn’t believe he had forgotten to tell him, even after coming so close. He had been distracted, though, by Bokuto’s stories and stupidly handsome face.

This couldn’t be a common thing, Akaashi decided. He needed to tell Bokuto before they became anything more than friends. If Akaashi was lucky, Bokuto might even want to stay friends. If Akaashi had to guess, Bokuto was the type to get attached quickly. Therefore, Akaashi needed to ward him off before he got too comfortable.

Akaashi hoped that he could do it gently.

One thing was for sure though, he was not looking forward to seeing the hurt, or god forbid pity, in Bokuto’s eyes.

Next time, though. He would have to tell him next time.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, Akaashi?” Bokuto’s voice had been hesitant. They were at the local library together, Akaashi was working on a paper while Bokuto was analyzing volleyball matches. Akaashi hadn’t heard that tone in his voice since their meeting at the café. 

_Hesitance._

“Yeah?”

He leaned back, one arm behind him to brace his weight and the other rubbing back of his head. “Our team- we- have a match on Friday, and I was wondering if maybe you would want to come watch?”

Akaashi hadn’t been to a volleyball match in a while. He usually went to see Yamaguchi and Tsukishima’s matches, but he had been busy lately.

Akaashi saw no reason to deny him. In fact, he was excited.

That’s how Akaashi found himself standing outside of a bustling arena. The match was supposed to start in thirty minutes or so, but Bokuto had told him to get there early, “to get good seats. The best seats are at the ends of the court not the middle, and it won’t be boring or anything if you get there too early ‘cause we’ll be warming up!”

Both teams were running their own warm-up drills on the court. Too many people and too many balls for one small court. Akaashi let his eyes drift up to survey the arena, but he nearly jumped out of his seat at the smooth voice that spoke up from behind him. 

“Akaashi, funny seeing you here. I never pegged you as the type to catch volleyball matches in your free time.”

“Tsukishima-san. What are you doing here?”

He walked around the seats and shuffled down the row so he could plop down in the seat next to Akaashi. He shrugged as he said, “I happen to attend many volleyball matches. Captain always says its good to scope out the enemy.”

Akaashi hummed, nodding his head. 

“Why are you here?” he prodded. 

“A friend invited me,” Akaashi replied, not going into detail.

“Aww, you haven’t come to see any of my matches in a while.” Tsukishima said petulantly. 

Akaashi huffed, “You never ask me anyway.” Akaashi didn’t like the smirk on his face nor the knowing look in his eyes. 

The two enjoyed a few minutes of quiet. As much as they bickered and sassed each other, they both knew the other never meant any harm. Tsukishima wasn’t finished with his teasing though.

“Who are you here to see? Or are you going to claim you only-”

“His name is Bokuto.”

The blonde didn’t seem upset that his quip was interrupted. “Bokuto Koutarou? Of Fukuroudani University?” 

Akaashi turned his head to see Tsukishima already studying him. “Yeah, that's him.”

He looked down to the court. Both teams were running a kind of spiking drill. They both watched as Bokuto, next in line, took a few steps toward the net, knees bent and arms reaching behind him. In a flurry of movement he jumped, spiked the ball, and landed. The ball’s harsh impact on the hardwood revealed just how much force was behind his hit.

“From the times I played him in high school, I remember him to be a talker… So I take it you’re a volleyball expert now?”

“He’s an outside hitter and the captain. He doesn’t really talk about the technicalities, but he does like to focus on plays and strengths versus weaknesses. His teammate, Kuroo, is the more technical of the two.”

“Mh, that makes sense. So then I guess you don’t know much about his stats.” The players were now in a huddle at their respective benches.

“I guess not,” he mumbled. Tsukishima continued after a moment, and Akaashi was grateful that he didn’t make him beg.

“Well, for starters, he’s Ace.” At Akaashi’s blank stare he elaborated, “Its a term reserved for the best player, usually an offensive player.” He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest. “He’s also one of the top three hitters in the college league. His power and stamina stats are basically maxed out and his technique is nearly there. He’s most definitely going to get an offer from a professional team and possibly even the Japan National Team.”

Akaashi only barely stopped his mouth from dropping open. He knew Bokuto was good, you had to be to be a starter in college, but he didn’t know he was _this good._ Like, he could make a career out of volleyball good. 

“Like I said: an enemy.”

The whistle blew and the players flooded the court, taking their positions. They stood with their backs to the referee, presenting their numbers. This allowed Bokuto time to search the crowd for Akaashi, which only took a few seconds. A smile broke out on his face and he reached his hand above his head and waved at Akaashi. Akaashi waved back, albeit a smaller wave, and Bokuto somehow smiled wider. The referee blew the whistle to signal the start of the game. 

Time had never passed so fast. 

While Akaashi didn’t know the specifics of volleyball, he knew why each point was made and Tsukishima’s short explanations filled in the gaps. Each team worked like one fluid machine, and to Akaashi it seemed like they were reading each other’s minds. Shouts of “Nice serve!”, “Good kill!”, “Left!”, “Right!”, and “Center!” echoed in the arena, but, unsurprisingly, no one was as loud as Bokuto. He shined as a captain, calling for sets and receives but also patting fellow teammates on the back and offering the occasional “Don’t mind”. 

The first match passed in a flurry of swift bodies and darting balls, resulting in a Fukuroudani University victory. Both teams returned to their benches for a few minutes before the next match started.

“How’s Yamaguchi?” Akaashi asked while they waited. Akaashi had a bit of a soft spot for his green-haired friend. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima finally, _finally,_ started dating right before their second year of high school. Akaashi remembered how he had smirked on his way back from the bathroom after noticing their intertwined hands while they all were out eating. His chest filled with warmth as they told him a week later, and he only had smiles and good wishes for the new couple, not that they really needed them.

“He’s good. He’s getting really good.” Akaashi’s eyebrows rose. Tsukishima was not very willing when giving up details about him and his boyfriend. “The success rate of his pinch serves are outrageously high. He’s really comfortable receiving, too.” Akaashi should have known Tsukishima would only offer anything but.

“How did you meet Bokuto?” Tsukishima asked, grinning.

“He actually ran into me on his way to practice. I was just leaving the hospital.” 

With a shake of his head he replied, “Of course he did. And after that?”

“I donno. We just kept talking and now we’re friends.” If Tsukishima noticed his blush, he didn’t comment on it.

The whole last half of the second set had Akaashi on the edge of his seat. This one was more exhilarating and taking longer than the first. Both teams surpassed the 25 point score needed to win, but neither managed to get two points ahead of the other. Every rally they played was a potential winning point.

The next rally started with the other team’s serve. Fukuroudani received and returned, Bokuto’s powerful jump drawing two blockers away from the teammate who actually spiked it. The opposing team managed to keep it from touching the floor, only narrowly, however, forcing their setter to move to set the ball. Their return was powerful, but received well. Akaashi’s eyes were glued to the ball as it was set by their setter- Kozume Kenma, Akaashi reminded himself distantly. Bokuto launched himself into the air in front of the net, his strong arm wound back, ready to hit the ball if it came for him.

It came for him, alright. And, boy, did he hit it.

The other team had no chance of receiving it as the ball was hit across the court, in an angle Akaashi didn’t know was possible. Bokuto landed a moment after the ball slammed into the hardwood. He straightened and tilted his head towards the lights, his wide chest growing with a satisfied inhale. He was grinning, euphoric in the wake of the game-winning hit, and his arms were flexed at his sides, fists clenched. 

He was truly in his element, absolutely made for volleyball. 

His silent celebration was ended by the screaming of his teammates. They piled onto him, forming a group hug in celebration. 

Akaashi leaned back in his seat, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding. 

That was amazing, he thought, but the only thing he managed was, “ _Wow…_ ”

He saw Tsuhishima nod out of the corner of his eye. “Yeah, I know. And I have to block that in two weeks.”

Akaashi was still marveling at their performance, but he managed to reply, “Well, good luck.”

“I’m surprised you’re wishing _me_ luck and not your new best friend.”

Akaashi rolled his eyes, “Whatever. Don’t make me take it back.”

“See,” he shook his head, “Yamaguchi is going to cry when I tell him he's been replaced.”

The players were now exiting the court. Akaashi stood up, “Yup, I take it back. Do your worst, Tsukki~.” Akaashi knew he hated it when anyone other than Yamaguchi called him that.

Tsukishima was more than willing to play. “Bye~ Say ‘hi’ to Bokuto for me~” he taunted back.

“Oh, you mean my new best friend? Sure.” It wasn’t often that Akaashi got the last word with Tsukishima, but it was always funny when he did. 

Akaashi walked down the steps to exit the arena, and strolled toward the front lobby. 

Akaashi felt his phone buzz in his pocket, and he almost dropped it because of his cold, numb hands when he went to fish it out. It was a message from Bokuto.

_Hey, hey! Did you like it? It was only two sets cause they’re not our hardest opponents but I hope you enjoyed it!_

Akaashi didn’t get a chance to respond before Bokuto sent another message.

_I wanna see you! Do you wanna come over to my apartment since it closer than yours? I’d have to take a quick shower but we can hang out after!!!_

Akaashi smiled as he sent a message back.

_I’d love to. I’m at the west entrance if you want to walk back together._

His reply came only a short moment later.

_Awesome!_

Bokuto met Akaashi ten minutes later. He greeted him with an exuberant wave which reminded Akaashi of their meeting at the café.

“Hey, Akaashi! Sorry for taking so long, coach likes to talk,” Bokuto laughed.

“It’s okay, Bokuto-san.” 

“Well, let’s go!” 

Bokuto talked Akaashi’s ear off the whole walk, but Akaashi didn’t mind one bit. He rambled about plays that went wrong, and those that went right. He critiqued his teammate’s plays and tactics, in no way a conceited manner. It was nice hearing Bokuto talk about something he was so obviously passionate about. 

He was everything Akaashi wasn’t. He was loud, friendly, and expressive while Akaashi was soft-spoken, introverted, and lived his life under an impassive veil. Akaashi couldn’t figure him out. Why would a person like Bokuto want to hang around a person like Akaashi? Bokuto had aspirations, _big_ ones. He was going to go places Akaashi would never be able to, and he would only drag him down. Akaashi clenched his pocketed hands into fists. 

He had to tell him, and he had to tell him before they got any closer.

Before Bokuto got in any way attached.

Bokuto’s apartment was small but homey. Akaashi liked how the smell of Bokuto lingered in the air.

Bokuto invited him to sit on the couch while he took a quick shower. 

Tonight.

Tonight was the night Akaashi would tell him. It had already been too long. At this point Bokuto might even be mad that he hadn’t told him earlier. So, Akaashi would tell him as gently as he could. He was too nice to blow up and kick Akaashi out, but Akaashi would be able to see the hurt in his eyes as plain as day.

His mouth pressed together in a sour twist when he thought of how he would gradually stop receiving texts from Bokuto. 

When had he become so used to Bokuto’s antics? His sporadic texts, nightly calls, and corny jokes all held a spot in Akaashi’s daily routine.

_They wouldn’t for long._

His strategizing was cut off as he heard the door open. He had gotten barely ten minutes to figure out how to tell Bokuto.

Akaashi turned to watch as Bokuto emerged from his room. His strong legs were covered with a pair of sweatpants and a worn t-shirt covered his upper half. His two-toned hair fell limply over his forehead, still damp and unstyled. Due to this, his thick eyebrows were hidden.

He looked soft.

He smiled as he sat down next to Akaashi, one leg folded under him so he could turn to face his guest.

“I’m really happy you came to watch me.” 

“I’m glad I came. You were really good.”

He laughed, “Thanks, ‘Kaashi.” Akaashi noticed how his fingers were playing with the end of his sweatpants tie. Almost like a nervous fidget.

Akaashi’s eyes slid up to Bokuto’s bright face.

Akaashi did _not_ like the look in his eyes as he leaned every so slightly forward.

_He should not be looking at me like that._

“Can I kiss you, ‘Kaashi?” His voice was honey.

Akaashi’s stomach plummeted to his toes.

_Oh no._

_Oh no, no, no, no._

“I- I- Bokuto-san.” He shook his head and cleared his throat to try again. “No, I don-”

“Was I too straightforward? Gah! I’m sorry. Kuroo says I rush into things and I’m too loud and I don’t think things through. I’m sorry if I misread things, I really thought it through this time, too. I really like you, Akaashi, but I should’ve know I was being _stupid._ ”

“No, Bokuto-san. Its not that. I was going to tell you before, but I forgot to.”

Bokuto slapped a hand to his forehead, “Ohhh, god. You probably have a boyfriend already. I’m so sorry.” He was shaking his head as he continued. “I just put you in such an uncomfortable position. I should have asked, I should have _known._ ”

Akaashi couldn’t take it.

 _“I’m sick!”_ Akaashi had never raised his voice at Bokuto.

Bokuto’s self-deprecating ramble was abruptly cut off.

“Bokuto-san, I like you too, I _really_ do, but you don’t want to get involved with me. I have a severe heart condition that can’t be fixed. The only way I’ll survive is if I get a heart transplant, which doesn’t look like its going to end up happening since I’ve been on the list since I was _two._ My heart could give out at any moment. Bokuto-san, I could die at any moment and no one can do anything about it.” Akaashi took a few moments to catch his breath. His chest was painfully constricted. “So, no, I don’t want you to get attached to me when I can’t promise that I’ll be here in a month, let alone a whole lifetime, even if I want to as well.”

Bokuto’s eyes bore into Akaashi’s when he finally pushed his eyes forward. His brows were furrowed and he looked the furthest from a man ready to bolt. Strong arms reached out and tentatively wrapped around him, waiting for Akaashi to push him away. Akaashi didn’t and, despite himself, he savored the warmth that enveloped him. 

_When was the last time someone had hugged him?_

He savored it because this would be the closest to Bokuto that he would ever get.

_Why did that upset him so much?_

“I’m sorry that you’ve had to deal with that your whole life. But-” His hand drifted to hold the back of his neck. “That doesn’t mean you can’t let anyone get close to you, and it definitely doesn’t make you any less deserving of a life.”

Akaashi heard the words but he couldn’t quite digest them.

Bokuto continued, “I’m glad you told me, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you. And I know, I know you said I shouldn’t, but I’m selfish. I still want to get to know you, and… that still doesn’t change my question.” 

Bokuto leaned closer. “Akaashi,” he murmured, “can I kiss you?”

Bokuto still wanted to kiss him, even after Akaashi tried to scare him away. Akaashi found that he wanted to kiss Bokuto back.

Before his mind could come up with another stupid reason to push him away, he let his eyes close and pushed his lips to Bokuto’s.

Akaashi wasn't sure what was causing his body to feel this way: light, warm, and _safe._

Akaashi would daresay it was _hope._

~~~~~~~~~~~

“But, Bokuto-san, you missed a volleyball match.”

“It was just a practice match!” He said, waving his hand in front of his face dismissively. He continued, ”And besides, its good practice for the underclassmen for if I catch a bug and can’t play a game or two.”

“Bokuto-san, you haven’t been sick since you were ten.” Akaashi said pointedly.

Bokuto seemed to struggle to come up with words to refute Akaashi. “I- well then I guess that means I’m due for one soon, hm!” 

Bokuto was, as Akaashi was quickly finding out, painfully stubborn.

They had been walking together after meeting up for lunch. Akaashi was heading home and Bokuto was walking with him until he had to split off in the direction of his University for a scrimmage with a local adult league. All had been well until pain flared up in his chest, stopping him instantly. He remembered the world spinning for a moment.

Bokuto had immediately steadied him with hands on his shoulders. “What’s wrong, Akaashi?”

Akaashi’s jaw was clamped shut against the pain. The teary and terrified look Akaashi gave Bokuto was enough to tell him that something was very, very wrong. Immediately, Bokuto scooped him into his arms, as if he weighed nothing, and turned down the next street that led to the hospital. 

Everything was quick after that. 

Bokuto rapidly explained his condition and what had happened, Akaashi speaking up when they asked him questions. He was admitted and examined, Bokuto always there with a hand in his or on his shoulder.

“Bokuto, I know I told you about this condition and I know you said it didn’t matter, but… now that you’ve seen what it can do, you can reconsider your decision. Explanations can only do so much, and now you’ve seen- experienced how scary it can be, I-” Why was it so difficult to speak? “I wouldn’t be mad if you decided you didn’t want to date me anymore.”

“Stop.” The command was stern. “Just because you think you deserve less because of your heart doesn’t mean I do. I meant what I said and I definitely haven’t changed my mind.” Akaashi’s mind urged him to argue more, to push him away, but Bokuto’s resolute reaffirmation and his pleading eyes convinced him otherwise. 

Louder than any of that was his heart.

It _ached_ to keep Bokuto. Just the thought of never seeing Bokuto again caused his breathing to become shallow.

“Okay,” he whispered.

Bokuto leaned closer, face soft again. “I’m sorry, ‘Kaashi, I just hate it when you talk like that. Like you don’t know just how precious you are.”

“I’m not…” He couldn’t say it. No one had ever called him that before.

“You are to me.”

His stomach flipped and warmth tingled up his spine.

Akaashi was soon discharged, and as they were leaving Bokuto stopped him with a hand on his sleeve. Akaashi turned to face him.

“Akaashi, I-” he stopped, averting his eyes to look down at his feet. His hands were clasped at his front, then behind his back, then one came up to tug the hairs at the back of his head. He was nervous. “Could you- if you want- do you wanna spend the night? I just- today was scary and... I wanna hold you.” He looked at Akaashi hesitantly, like he thought he was asking for too much.

Akaashi’s smile was easy as he responded, “I would love that, Bokuto-san.”

Later, as Akaashi was tipping into the void of sleep, face to Bokuto’s chest, he heard quiet, mumbled words. 

“I’ll show you. I’ll show you just how much I love you, and… maybe then… you’ll start to love yourself too.”

But maybe it was just a dream. The memory of the words slipped away by morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Akaashi was as comfortable as he could be: stomach full and in Bokuto’s arms. He was seated in between Bokuto’s legs, leaning back into his chest. One of Bokuto’s arms was playing with Akaashi’s fingers while the other was wrapped around Akaashi’s middle. They were watching, well, half-watching, The Matrix while Bokuto talked about how he used the movie as an example for a paper he had to write arguing that we live in a simulation.

Akaashi had never been so relaxed in another person’s presence.

Despite that, he couldn’t follow what Bokuto was explaining. And it was all because of _his hand._

The hand of the arm that was wrapped around Akaashi settled on his side, the fingers dragging over his hip. At some point, his fingers had found their way under his shirt and were innocently exploring the bared skin of his hip and side.

Akaashi knew Bokuto wasn’t trying to initiate anything, his hands wandered much like his mind: often on their own.

“Hm?” Akaashi realized Bokuto was waiting for a response to a question that he couldn’t recall.

He tilted his head back and turned to meet his eyes. “Sorry. What did you say?”

“I asked if you thought we were in a simulation or not, but, sorry, I’m probably boring you.”

“No,” Akaashi said. “You’re just distracting me. I can’t focus.”

Bokuto’s gray brows furrowed. “Huh? Whadda mean, ‘Kaashi?”

Akaashi held his gaze as he covered Bokuto’s wandering fingers with his own. Understanding filled Bokuto’s eyes, red flooded his cheeks. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it, I jus- I know- I know with your condition you can’t and I respect that. Akaashi, I really didn’t mean to.”

Akaashi could feel him beginning to retract his hand, but Akaashi held it in place. “I know, but I like it, and... for the first time in my life I’m actually frustrated that I can’t.” Akaashi watched as Bokuto turned redder. “You’re the first person I’ve actually wanted to do anything with. Everyone else backed off before the relationship could even get that far.”

Bokuto frowned like he couldn’t believe Akaashi’s explanation. “Akaashi, you’re _amazing._ I don’t- How could anyone…? I’m so glad I met you.” He spoke softly but his words were full of conviction. “And… I’ve messed around with a couple other people and the one serious relationship ended because he got fed up with me,” he confessed sheepishly. 

“I don’t think I could ever get fed up with you.” Bokuto’s incredulous frown spurred Akaashi to elaborate. “I’m serious. You’re so genuine and kind. Its... refreshing.” Akaashi stated simply. He wished he could put into words just how Bokuto made him feel. He was unapologetically himself. He brought out the best in people, and Akaashi would like to believe he was included in that, no doubt, long list of people. 

Bokuto’s soft smile assured Akaashi that he didn’t mind his simplicity. They sat in comfortable silence, contemplating the weight of their words. 

After a few minutes, Bokuto tentatively asked, “You really can’t do anything?”

“My doctor hasn’t really given me a list…” Akaashi trailed off. “But… maybe if we went slow?”

Bokuto nodded, “Okay, okay, yeah. Only if you’re sure it won't hurt you.”

“I’m sure.” Akaashi turned in Bokuto’s strong arms so they could face each other better. 

Bokuto stared imploringly into Akaashi’s steel blue eyes, searching for any sign of apprehension. When he found none, he leaned in and sealed his lips to Akaashi’s. The kiss started out slow, but it still ignited a spark in his tummy. Akaashi responded in kind, trying to convey with his lips just how much Bokuto meant to him.

Quickly, however, the kiss sped up, filling Akaashi’s chest with heat. The unfamiliar fire within Akaashi grew with each brush of Bokuto’s tongue. Bokuto laid him down on the bed with a supporting hand on Akaashi’s lower back and without breaking the kiss.

They parted for breath, the intensity of the fire in Akaashi’s chest was betrayed by his panting. Bokuto caught his breath too, gazing at Akaashi’s flushed cheeks. With one forearm braced against the mattress by Akaashi’s head, his other hand gripped the same spot on Akaashi’s hip that started this in the first place. This time he moved it with intention.

His hand trailed up the skin of Akaashi’s torso, dragging his shirt up with his movements. He watched intently as he brushed his thumb over Akaashi’s nipple. Akaashi immediately sucked in a breath of surprise at the jolt of pleasure. 

“Is this okay?” Bokuto asked, sounding winded. 

Akaashi nodded near frantically, “yes, yes.” Akaashi further proved that he was in fact very okay with this when he removed his shirt and then started tugging on the bottom of Bokuto’s. Bokuto happily helped, leaning back up and tearing the fabric over his head. He wasn’t surprised at Akaashi’s look of hunger as his eyes dragged from his toned abs up to his bulky shoulders. Bokuto _was_ surprised at the cold hand that reached out to touch. Delicate fingers skimmed over his abdomen, sending electricity through Bokuto. Bokuto smiled adoringly at the smaller man beneath him, appreciating his own view. Akaashi knew he was pale and skinny, attesting to the limitations set by his weak heart. Scars littered his chest, some darker and longer than others.

Akaashi knew it wasn’t pretty, but Bokuto’s gaze half convinced him otherwise.

He leaned back down and cupped Akaakshi’s jaw, bringing him in for another kiss. Akaashi hummed into the kiss and his hand gripped the hair at the back of Bokuto’s head in an effort to keep those lips on his. Their kiss was fiery and Akaashi was quickly going light headed- probably due to the blood flowing south. Akaashi was forced to break the kiss to catch his breath, but Bokuto was not finished. He moved to lightly kissing down Akaashi’s jaw, his hand moving to thumb over his nipple again. 

“Ah,” Akaashi couldn’t stop the noise. He found that he didn’t even want to.

Bokuto’s lips settled on his neck, right above his collarbone. He kissed and sucked at the spot. Akaashi only realized when teeth scraped over his skin:

_Bokuto was giving him a hickey._

Akaashi moaned at the thought, completely hard now. 

As if reading his thoughts, Bokuto palmed him through his sweatpants.

“Bokuto, ah!” Akaashi’s voice was rising with his arousal.

Akaashi wasn’t sure how much longer he would last. His body was humming and his mind was overrun by the mounting pleasure.

Bokuto removed his lips from Akaashi’s heated neck. He whispered into his ear, “ _Keiji~_ , you sound so hot.” Akaashi gripped his shoulders harder at the pleasure that coursed through him.

Bokuto reached a hand into his pants, gripping him. It only took a few strokes to bring him to the edge.

“ _Keiji,_ ” he called, “ _come for me._ ”

He came fast, faster than he should have.

Akaashi moaned through his orgasm, Bokuto breathing right next to his ear. 

His mind was fuzzy and his body was completely relaxed in the wake of his orgasm. Bokuto settled more of his weight against Akaashi and kissed him sweetly. 

Akaashi could feel him, still hard against his thigh. 

“You too.” Akaashi prompted.

A gentle push against Bokuto’s shoulder was all it took for the man to lay on his back. Akaashi sat himself just below Bokuto’s hips, essentially switching their positions. He licked his lips at the very visible bulge at the front of Bokuto’s pants. He placed his hand over it, marveling at the heat he could feel. Bokuto reacted by gripping Akaashi’s thighs, squeezing harder as Akaashi applied pressure. He decided to stop teasing and tugged Bokuto’s pants and briefs down, exposing his dick.

He was _big,_ and _leaking._

Akaashi stalled for just a moment before he wrapped his hand around it. 

“ _Akaashi-_ ” Bokuto breathed out.

He ran his thumb over the slit then just under the throbbing head. Bokuto’s chest heaved at the sensation. Akaashi dragged his hand up then down the length of his cock, giving it a proper pump.

Akaashi couldn’t help himself: he leaned down, mouth right next to Bokuto’s ear, “ _Koutarou._ ”

Bokuto’s cock _throbbed_ in his grip. 

Akaashi sped up, twisting his wrist on the way down. Bokuto’s hips could not keep still under Akaashi. It seemed he wasn’t going to last long either.

“Shit.”

His amber eyes were closed and his head was thrown back as he came. His grip on Akaashi’s thighs loosened but his thumbs kept rubbing in little circles as he basked in his afterglow.

After Bokuto came back to himself, they cleaned up and settled down in each other’s arms. Akaashi’s breathing was slow and he was taking lazy blinks as Bokuto nuzzled the top of his head.

“I love you, Akaashi.”

Akaashi tilted his head up to look at Bokuto and he looked down, smiling. Akaashi stretched up to press a chaste kiss to the edge of his smile. Bokuto hummed, pressing closer. When they pulled away, Akaashi returned, “I love you.”

Bokuto smiled like he would be perfectly content if that's all he heard for the rest of his life.

Minutes later, after the chill of the room finally got to them, they slipped under the covers. Bokuto’s fingers trailed along the scars on Akaashi’s chest. He couldn’t see them so he simply mapped each one out with his fingertips. Akaashi wasn’t ashamed or embarrassed of his scars, far from it, so he didn’t mind Bokuto’s curious fingers.

Eventually, when Bokuto decided that his fingers couldn’t reveal to him the whole story, he lifted the covers and his head and to get a better look. Akaashi’s fingers dropped from his hair to grasp his arm. He shifted onto his back so Bokuto could investigate properly. His eyes were wide as he scanned the scarred expanse of Akaashi’s chest. Some were longer than others and some were lighter than others. 

Akaashi’s lifelong fight was wordlessly displayed all over his body.

“How many?” Bokuto whispered.

Akaashi didn’t know if he was talking about the number of surgeries or scars, but the questions had the same answer. 

“Too many: sixteen.”

“Too many,” Bokuto agreed, but added, “beautiful.”

“You really think so?” he asked near silently. Normally, Akaashi would wince at how vulnerable he sounded, but not with Bokuto.

“They prove you’re alive and _fighting._ ” He leaned down and kissed the long one tearing down the middle of Akaashi’s chest. “I’m thankful for them. I’m thankful for you.” He felt his warm breath fan across his skin. Goosebumps erupted, less from the contrast of his warm breath on his cold skin, but more from the impact of the words he spoke. 

“I don’t plan on giving up anytime soon. Thank you, Bokuto.” Those words wouldn’t have been true a handful of months ago. 

“Never,” Bokuto demanded. 

Akaashi chuckled and pulled him down into a toothy kiss.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Akaashi didn’t know what he was feeling. It was freaking him out. Akaashi had never really been a deeply emotional person so he wasn’t used to the web of emotions that clung to his mind.

When he was younger, he would feel left out and frustrated because of all the things his weak heart prohibited him from doing. He loathed the late nights of catching up on class material and homework he missed because of surgeries and the subsequent recovery time. But he had learned to live with it. Yamaguchi and Tsukishima were as introverted as Akaashi, and, aside from volleyball, they didn’t do much that Akaashi couldn’t join in on. 

Nothing had changed. Sure, Bokuto was a new addition to his life, but he was so kind and understanding. When he was with Bokuto Akaashi never felt lesser because of his condition. He was more considerate than anyone had ever been before.

His contemplation was interrupted by his phone buzzing. He retrieved it from his pocket, a text from Bokuto greeted him.

_Hey, hey, kaashi! We’re getting out of practice early you should come over!!!!_

Sure, he texts back despite the bubbling of irritation.

_Irritation?_

_What?_

Akaashi thought back. What had Bokuto done that had irritated him? He was as loud as he had always been- which Akaashi didn’t mind. He hadn’t said anything out of line or insensitive. Despite that, Akaashi couldn’t deny what he was feeling.

He was mad at Bokuto, he was upset with Bokuto. And Akaashi had _no earthly idea why._

Not knowing why his mind had decided it was angry was more frustrating than not knowing what he was feeling in the first place.

The whole walk to Bokuto’s place was spent trying to put out the embers of his silent rage. 

He knocked twice before letting himself in, not waiting for a response. “Heyyy, -Kaashi.” Bokuto immediately opened his arms as he stood up to meet him. He dropped his phone on the bed and buried himself into Bokuto’s wide chest, leaning his head on his shoulder. The tension left his whole body as solid arms wrapped around him. 

Akaashi’s lungs slowly filled as he took a deep breath in. Akaashi couldn’t describe Bokuto’s scent as cedar and pine or peppermint and mint or any other silly combination of fragrances. The smell that invaded his nose was of fresh soap, clean laundry, and something distinctly _Bokuto._

Akaashi’s body was a puddle in Bokuto’s arms. Except his heart. His heart was _pounding._ Akaashi’s stomach dropped.

 _Was- was_ that _why he was mad?_

_So stupid._

“How was your day?” Bokuto asked.

“I’m so stupid,” he mumbled. The heat that rose in his cheeks was red hot. Emotions were stupid. 

Bokuto leaned back, trying to look at Akaashi’s face, hidden by his stubbornly lowered head. 

“Hey, Akaashi wha- what’s wrong? What happened?” 

Akaashi tugged one of Bokuto’s arms from its place on his lower back. He turned his hand over, fiddling with his fingers. 

“All day I’ve been upset with you. But-” Bokuto stopped his fiddling by grabbing ahold of his hand and bringing his other hand to hold Akaashi’s cheek, forcing him to meet his eyes.

“What do you mean, Akaashi? What did I do? I’m sor-'' Akaashi cut him off with a kiss. It only took Bokuto a second to get over his surprise- or maybe it was confusion- and respond to Akaashi’s advance. Their lips moved together and Akaashi tried his hardest to assuage Bokuto’s fears. Akaashi opened his lips and Bokuto’s tongue immediately met his. 

Akaashi’s heart was pounding in his ears, but it didn’t bother him this time. This was the man he loved after all, how could his heart not beat for him.

He broke the kiss and brought Bokuto’s hand to his chest, over his heart. “Bokuto-san, you did nothing wrong,” he explained, breathless. “At first I couldn’t figure out why I was annoyed at you, but… I think I figured it out.” Akaashi brought his forehead to Bokuto’s. 

“My heart has failed me my whole life. It was deformed when I was born and its been weak ever since.” A defeated smile bloomed on Akaashi’s face. “But then you showed up and that’s when it decided to beat. I was upset because apparently my heart has decided to beat just fine when you’re around.”

Bokuto’s eyes bore into his. He took a moment to process the words before he brought his other hand to Akaashi’s cheek. His thumb brushed carefully over his cheekbone as he found his voice.

“Well then, I guess you’re stuck with me forever.” He huffed out a short laugh. “Sorry,” he added, sounding not the least bit sorry.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Akaashi’s check up was uneventful, which, he supposed, was better than bad news. He did have to change the appointment time from the morning to late afternoon, not that Akaashi minded. Apparently, Dr. Toyonaga’s daughter woke up sick and he wasn’t able to get a babysitter until later in the morning. 

On the way to the elevator he passed the nurse’s station. The floor was quiet and the group of nurses were using the lull in activity to chat.

“I was here yesterday when the organ transplantation team came in. I had never seen that before, it was so cool. I even saw the team come in with the organ box,” she recounted excitedly.

“Do you know what organ it was?” another nurse asked, engrossed in the first nurse’s story. 

“I’m pretty sure it was a heart.” 

Akaashi halted. _No way._

Someone had gotten a heart yesterday morning. 

And it hadn’t been him.

Instead, yesterday morning he was left struggling to catch his breath after climbing the stairs up to his apartment because the elevator was being serviced. The two grocery bags in his cold hands had weighed him down as if he had bought countless bags of flour and not cup ramen, eggs, and veggies. His legs had started to tingle as he kicked off his shoes, dropping the groceries as soon as he shut the door. 

Someone was somewhere in this hospital recovering from a heart transplantation.

_And it wasn’t Akaashi._

One nurse spoke up, noticing that he had stopped and was standing in the middle of the hall. “Sir, are you okay? Do you need anything?” 

“No,” he replied shortly, not turning to face them. He forced himself to keep walking. 

He couldn’t name the emotions swirling inside him. His head was fuzzy in their battle for dominance. His feet eventually stopped at the front door. He glanced up, blinking his eyes clear of the fuzzy. 

He was staring at Bokuto’s apartament door. 

He squatted down and lifted up the corner of the doormat. A shiny key was sitting there waiting. He let himself in, not bothering to call out for Bokuto, he would be at his evening practice.

He forced off his shoes, arranging them neatly next to a pair of Bokuto’s. He made his way through the apartament and into Bokuto’s room. He shed his jacket, shirt, and jeans- they smelled of hospital. He slipped on a pair of Bokuto’s shorts and a t-shirt, burying into the bed sheets not a moment later. 

He didn’t know how long he laid there, just thinking. His phone vibrated at some point, probably Bokuto letting him know that he was done with practice. He debated for a second if he should give him a heads up that he was at his apartment. He shook his head to himself. No, he wanted to see Bokuto’s reaction.

The front door opened soon after the text and he heard Bokuto shuffling around in the entrance way. Footsteps stopped outside the bedroom door and Akaashi counted down the seconds until he was discovered. 

Except he wasn’t.

Bokuto waltzed right in, half mumbling, half humming to himself as he opened his dresser drawers. He was still in his clothes from practice. 

_Shower time,_ Akaashi guessed.

Akaashi watched Bokuto, not a care in the world, from his blanket cocoon, blanket pulled up above his nose so only his eyes and hair were sticking out. Akaashi snickered quietly to himself as Bokuto entered the bathroom and closed the door. The water turned on shortly after.

He closed his eyes and listened, waiting for it. Soon enough Bokuto started singing and Akaashi felt warmth bloom in his chest, the storm of emotions in Akaashi’s head essentially gone. 

Bokuto was making him feel better without even trying.

Soon enough, the shower shut off and Bokuto stepped out, steam wafting out behind him. His hair was still damp, laying flat and covering his forehead. He dropped his practice clothes in a laundry basket and turned to the bed.

Bokuto’s face morphed into surprise as he finally spotted Akaashi. “Ah!” he yelped, his hand on his chest. Akaashi couldn’t keep the smile from his face. “Aghaaashee, you scared me! I didn’t notice you, how long have you been there!?” 

He uncovered his face so Bokuto could hear him properly. “Hey. I got here when you were at practice. Sorry for not letting you know.” He added quietly, “and for hiding.”

“Hey,” he said soothingly. He plopped down onto the bed and brought his hand up to rub at his shoulder. Akaashi sighed at the touch. “I totally don’t mind Akaashi. I’m glad you’re here,” he said with a smile.

Akaashi shifted, opening the covers and inviting Bokuto into his cocoon. Without hesitation, Bokuto joined Akaashi, wrapping his arms around him, weaving their legs together, and holding him close. Akaashi felt at home as he tucked his head under Bokuto’s chin ear against his chest.

His heartbeat was strong.

After getting comfortable, Akaashi asked, “How was practice?”

“Mmmh,” his hand dragged over the smaller’s back. “It was good. We worked on serving a lot today ‘cause apparently in our last practice match we lost most points when we served and we only got one service ace.” He huffed, breath tickling Akaashi’s hair. “I don’t know how Shirofuku-san and Suzumeda-san are able to keep their game notes that detailed.” 

He rambled on about who the bad serving culprits were and how Kuroo all of the sudden started receiving which turned the drill into who could manage to get their serve past Kuroo. Akaashi half listened, enjoying the vibrations coming from his solid chest. 

Once Bokuto had recounted all that he remembered he asked, “How was your day?”

“It was fine. I got my presentation finished and started researching for one of my papers.” He frowned as he remembered his exit from the hospital. “I also had my checkup.”

“This morning right? What did the Doc say?”

“No, actually, I had to go in later in the afternoon this time.” Bokuto hummed. “It was all normal, but-” he paused, cursing the lump that was starting to form in his throat. He forced himself to continue. “When I was leaving I heard the nurses say that they performed a heart transplantation yesterday.”

Bokuto stilled for a second, bringing him closer in the next. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” his voice broke, betraying him. “I know it probably wasn’t compatible with me anyway, but that could have been me. And- and-” Akaashi’s breath in was trembling. “Its just- I’m never going to get a heart.”

Bokuto found his hand and squeezed it. “Hey, don’t say that.”

“No. It’s not just me that says that, the numbers do too. Over 100,000 people are on the waiting list and 3,500 of them are waiting for a heart. Not a ton of people are registered organ donors and even fewer die in a way that even allows for organ donation.” Tears were spilling from his eyes, forming spots on Bokuto’s shirt. “The worst part is that 20 people die everyday waiting for an organ. It might sound defeatist, but I’ve accepted that I’m going to be one of those statistics.” He wasn’t even sure if Bokuto could hear him at this point as his face was buried in his chest, the arms around him were comforting nonetheless. 

“My heart could give out at any moment,” Akaashi whimpered, “and I can’t do anything about it.”

Bokuto was uncharacteristically quiet. Akaashi didn’t blame him.

Akaashi couldn’t stop and his voice was downright pitiful as he continued. “It’s okay though. I’ve had time to come to terms with it. I’ve known since I was a child. One Christmas, when my mother was still alive, I-” He let out a dead laugh. “I asked for a heart for Christmas. I think I realized I would never get one when my mom started to cry.” He couldn’t stop the sobs that broke past his lips. 

Bokuto shifted his head so his forehead was resting on the top of Akaashi’s shaking head. Bokuto was back to muttering. Akaashi didn’t catch much of it over his sobs and shuddering breaths. “Shhhh… Akaashi… _Keiji_ … hmmm, hm, hmmm… I love you.” 

After tiring himself out he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. 

“I’m sorry, Akaashi. I’m _so sorry_. This is cruel, and it shouldn’t be happening to you.”

His eyes were probably red and puffy, but he lifted his face to look at Bokuto. Immediately, his big hand found his cheek where he swiped a stray tear away. 

“Thank you. I’m sorry for being such a mess.”

“No, no, no, don’t apologize.” His eyes implored him just as much as his words did. 

“I know,” Akaashi conceded. “I’ve dealt with this my whole life you would think I had no more tears to cry over it. It just sucks to be reminded of it.”

“Tears can be replaced, Akaashi.” He paused and brought his forehead to Akaashi’s. Their eyes locked as he whispered, “Just like hearts.” He brushed his nose playfully with Akaashi’s. Akaashi shook his head but couldn’t keep the smile from his face. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Bokuto’s hand was warm as he guided Akaashi to their mystery destination. 

A little earlier he had asked Akaashi when he was free and if he could take them somewhere. When they met up, Bokuto refused to answer the smaller man’s inquiries. He was quiet the whole way there and Akaashi suspected that he would spill the beans the moment he opened his mouth.

“We’re almost there.” 

Not even a minute later, Bokuto halted.

“Finally,” he let out an exaggerated breath. He turned to Akaashi. “I’m _so_ bad at keeping secrets.”

Akaashi giggled, but it was promptly cut off as he looked into the shop they had stopped in front of.

It was a small jewelry store. All kinds of colors glimmered from within the glass cases: earrings, necklaces, bracelets, rings, and even a few large pins. 

Bokuto took Akaashi’s free hand into his, stealing his attention from the small treasures.

His small smile was as warm as those gold eyes. “Akaashi,” he uttered, and Akaashi could only stare back. He continued, unconcerned by Akaashi’s lack of words. “I wanted something for us: rings. I want to show that heart of yours that no matter how hard it tries to take you from me it won’t. I love you, Akaashi. I will love you forever and I want these rings to be proof of that.”

Akaashi was _not_ going to cry, not while standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

The tear that rolled down his face mocked him.

“Bokuto…” he managed. Overwhelmed would be an understatement.

A thumb reached up to wipe the tear from his cheek. “I was going to get them myself, but there are so many options, and I wanna decide this with you. You are as much a part of this as I am.”

“I would love to share a pair of rings with you, Bokuto.”

His wide smile forced his eyes shut. “Should we go in then?”

Akaashi nodded eagerly. “Yeah, let’s go.”

They stepped into the shop with an overhead jingle and clasped hands. 

They both looked around in awe at all the pieces on display.

“Ooo! ‘Kaashi, look at this one.”

Akaashi walked up to Bokuto’s side obediently, looking down to the rings he was pointing to.

Nestled in the navy blue satin were two pairs of rings, one yellow gold pair and one silver, possibly titanium, pair. They were simple bands, domed unlike most of the other squared off ones, and it had a single small diamond flush with the metal of the band. 

“The silver ones look like your eyes~” Bokuto said, staring down in wonderment. “We should get those. Do you like them?”

Akaashi snickered. “I guess they kinda do. I do like them. But, Bokuto, the gold ones remind me of _your_ eyes.”

Golden eyes snapped to his, further validating his observation. Akaashi smiled as Bokuto gazed at him with those warm amber pools. Bokuto’s own smile spread across his face. 

“Do you think she would let us get one of each? You can have the gold one and I’ll take the silver one. You’ll have a piece of me wherever you go and I can have a piece of you!” His expression was aglow, as if he was already imagining the sight.

The warmth from his eyes flooded into Akaashi. “Yeah,” he agreed, “I would like that.”

An attendant walked up behind the glass cases. “Have these caught your eye? One set is titanium and the other yellow gold, both with a small cubic zirconia gem set seamlessly into the ring.” She glanced between the two lovers. “Would you like to try them on?” she asked with a polite smile.

“Yes, please!” Bokuto said excitedly, Akaashi nodding along.

She picked them from the case, handing them over. “They might not fit, but you can see if you like them up close and on your fingers.”

Akaashi was speechless. While Akaashi’s was loose and Bokuto’s could only fit on his pinky, they were obviously perfect. Akaashi nodded at once, looking for a moment at Bokuto’s astonishment then to the attendant. 

“Yeah,” he said, a little too breathlessly. “We’d like these.”

She took their measurements with deft hands then disappeared into the back room to retrieve their appropriate sizes.

Akaashi let his eyes wander over all the other glittering pieces in the shop. Bokuto’s sudden gasp startled him.

“Bokuto-san? What?” 

“I can’t wear it when I’m playing.” He looked truly devastated, like he just realized he didn’t have fingers to hold the ring in the first place. He continued, his voice weak. “And- and, I think I would accidentally lose it if- if I had to take it off every time I had to play.”

Akaashi placed a comforting hand on his upper arm as he said, “I’m sure there’s something…” A moment later, “You could wear it on a necklace. That way you can still have it with you when it can’t be on your finger, but you can still wear it as a ring whenever you want.”

Bokuto’s face instantly morphed from distressed to pure elation. Akaashi would have missed it if he’d blinked. Bokuto hoisted him up with a strong grip on his waist and spinned him. “Agaaaashi! That’s perfect!”

His stomach fluttered as he spun in the air. An airy laugh escaped as Bokuto returned him to the ground. He immediately sealed his lips to Bokuto’s in a quick, but searing kiss.

The checkout process was quick, but exciting, both anxious to finally don their rings.

They walked out of the shop the same way they had walked in, hands intertwined, only this time with rings pressed to each other in their grasp.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The phone was ringing. Akaashi’s phone was ringing.

His mind was foggy but his eyes found the lit up screen easily in the dark room. He tried to move to retrieve it, but he was weighed down by Bokuto’s body; head on his chest, leg in between his own two, and arm wrapped around the rest of him. 

“Bokuto,” Akaashi managed, Bokuto’s hair tickling his chin. It came out hoarse so he cleared his throat and tried again.

“Bokuto, my phone is ringing.” Akaashi wasn’t sure if he had heard him, but he was proven wrong when he heard- _felt-_ his groan of opposition. Akaashi wiggled in his grasp and poked at his shoulder causing him to loosen his hold. Only minutely. 

_This will have to do._

He leaned over and grabbed his phone, the screen too bright in the pitch black of the room. He was tempted to lay right back down into the cozy, Bokuto scented sheets, but he stayed upright.

_Just for a minute._

He managed to accept the call through his squinted eyes. The phone was quickly pressed to his ear while his other hand settled on the strong arm still wrapped around his middle.

“Hello?” Bokuto scooted closer, mashing his face against his hip.

“Hello. Is this Akaashi Keiji?” He didn’t recognize the woman’s voice.

“Hi, yes, this is he” His arm was warm where Akaashi’s fingers trailed.

“You need to come to the hospital right now. We have a heart for you.” The woman’s voice was calm, like she had made this call a million times.

Akaashi, however, was not.

His body became rigid instantly, hand holding tight to Bokuto’s arm. He was very much awake now. So was his heart. In fact, in that moment his heart started working better than it ever had. It was _pounding._ He almost opened his mouth to let her know that he didn’t need one anymore, that it was working just fine now. 

“Akaashi-san?”

He gathered his breath. “Ye- yes, ok. I’ll leave now,” he shakily replied. 

“Good. We’ll see you soon.” 

The call ended and Akaashi just sat in the dark of the room, blood roaring in his ears.

He couldn’t believe it.

His name had been on that list since he was a baby. Since it was evident that surgeries wouldn’t be enough to keep him alive. Over the years filled with multiple surgeries and countless drugs, his ears had become deaf to the reassurances that he would get a heart. He had essentially given up all hope that he would see his thirties. But now.

_But now._

He looked down to Bokuto. He had not allowed himself to think of what they could be. The list in Akaashi’s mind of the things they would get to do together was growing by the second. 

Golden eyes were fluttering open, tugged out of sleep by the ringing and ensuing conversation. He was going to have a life with this man.

“What is it, Akaashi?” Akaashi just stared.

His cold hand found its way onto Bokuto’s cheek. The man smiled and covered it with his own, much warmer, hand. He was still waiting for a reply.

Akaashi let out a shuddering breath. “I’m getting a heart,” he whispered.

It wasn’t real, it _couldn’t_ be. 

He repeated it, if only just to prove to himself that it was real. “Bokuto-san, I’m getting a heart.” His eyes were becoming wet, wet from the hope that filled him after so long without it. 

Bokuto’s eyes widened as he quickly sat up, his hand now clutching Akaashi’s to his chest. “You-” His amber eyes held pure longing. “You’re getting a heart.” He said it so confidently, as if he was a believer the second it left Akaashi’s lips. 

Akaashi nodded, tears freely flowing down his face now. 

“Yes.” 

_And he believed it, too._

Bokuto bumped his forehead to Akaashi’s. Amber pools were hidden behind his eyelids, but his lips were forced open into a smile, as blinding as their future now was. 

Perhaps he, too, was seeing the possibilities come to life. 

Perhaps he already had, what with always being the optimist of the two. 

“I told you too so.” Of course Bokuto couldn’t resist.

“You did.” Akaashi had never before been so glad to be proven wrong.

Bokuto ordered an Uber and then they stumbled out of bed, changed quickly, shoved on their shoes, and were out the door. As they stepped into the brisk early morning air, Akaashi was glad that he could use the time it took the Uber to get here to calm down.

Only a minute passed before the car pulled up, but it felt like hours.

After the doors were pulled shut, Akaashi couldn’t stop himself from looking at his phone log to make sure that it was real, that he had received a call from the hospital. Sure enough, there was a record of it, just twenty seconds long. But-

“Akaashi,” Bokuto called, derailing his train of thought. “Its okay. Let’s just get to the hospital, yeah?”

Akaashi nodded. “Yeah, ok.”

The drive was quick but once they were at the hospital, Bokuto moved at lightspeed, practically jumping out of the car. Akaashi scrambled out and grabbed the sleeve of Bokuto’s hoodie, stopping him.

Bokuto spun around. “Akaashi, we need to hurry.” 

“I know. Just-” Akaashi needed to make him understand. “There are so many things that could go wrong. Its possible that I’m not going to make it off that table alive.”

Bokuto grabbed his hands, pulling them so Akaashi had to step closer. His determined eyes shined, “Akaashi, you’ll make it out of there if you fight. You _will._ ”

He spoke like that was all that was needed to make it come true. Akaashi couldn’t argue with that. “I promised you I would.”

“Akaashi, I want forever. And for that you need to promise me that you will _never_ stop fighting. You didn’t promise me that.”

“Never,” The word slipped past his lips unbidden, but not untrue. “I will never stop fighting.”

Bokuto kissed his knuckles. “Thank you.” And then he was being gently pulled toward the hospital entrance.

Akaashi didn’t think he was the one that should be thanked.

“Hello, what can I help you with?” the front desk nurse asked.

“Hi. My name is Akaashi Keiji. I’m here for a heart transplant.” He replied breathlessly.

_I can’t believe I just got to say those words._

Bokuto must have been thinking the same thing because he snapped his head over to look at Akaashi with a giddy smile and short laugh. Akaashi smiled right back.

It was all hands on deck from that point on. The nurse led them to an upper floor and ushered him into a room. She handed him a gown. “Okay, put this on and you need to take off all jewelry including rings, bracelets, necklaces, toe rings, and any piercings. Another nurse will be here shortly to prep you for surgery.” 

After she left Akaashi changed quickly, his breathing loud in his ears. Bokuto caught his shaking hands as he finished. 

“Hey, ‘Kaashi. Deep breaths.” 

Bokuto breathed and Akaashi struggled to follow. When his breathing was calm, Akaashi slipped the ring off his finger. He turned over Bokuto’s hand, running his thumb over the rough skin. “Will you hold onto this for me, please, Bokuto-san?”

He nodded eagerly. He reached behind his neck, unclasping his necklace. He threaded the silver band onto the chain and it made a clink as it reached Bokuto’s own. 

Akaashi giggled at the sound, adding, “They look good together.” He took the necklace, brought it over Bokuto’s head and clasped it. Once the necklace was returned, Akaashi buried his fingers into the short hairs of the back of his head. He brought their lips together. 

Bokuto wound his arms around Akaashi’s waist, pulling him closer, as their lips slid together. The kiss was pleading as the future lit up before them. An hour ago, Akaashi thought he was nearing the end, but now he was experiencing the beginning. 

“I love you, Keiji,” he said, voice reverent. 

“I love you, _Koutarou._ ” 

_He was so glad he got to share it with Bokuto._

The operation room doors closed behind Akaashi, A team of surgeons, a new heart, and the rest of his life awaited him. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

Akaashi rose from unconsciousness slowly. It felt like he was swimming through tar, and the closer he got to the surface, the more pain he registered.

He hadn’t had a major surgery in a while, but the feeling was sickeningly familiar. 

The nurses must have been alerted that he was awake, because there was someone at his bedside the minute he woke up. They immediately started checking monitors, vitals, and asking questions that he tried his best to reply to.

Despite his measly answers, he spared enough brainpower to conclude that Bokuto was not in the room. If he was, Akaashi would have already heard something, anything, from the man.

A few minutes later, when he was more lucid and attentive, Dr. Toyonaga came in to update him on the procedure and outcome.

For maybe the first time, he had only promising news to report to Akaashi.

They encountered no complications during the surgery, his body was reacting to the heart well, the immunosuppressants were doing their job, and Akaashi’s blood work was where it needed to be. 

It was best case scenario.

Despite the good news, Akaashi wasn’t ecstatic. It sounded too good to be true, it didn’t feel real. He still half expected Dr. Toyonaga to come back in and reveal that they had opened up Akaashi’s chest just to point at his heart and laugh.

After the nurses had verified all that they needed, Akaashi was left with only his brain, which was still struggling to catch up to reality, and Bokuto- the person who could help bring it to speed- was nowhere to be seen.

As if summoned, the door flew open, revealing a panting Bokuto.

“Akaashi,” he breathed out. 

He drifted to Akaashi, as if pulled by some invisible string. He reached out a hand to touch, but stopped short like he wasn’t sure if it was allowed- or even real. His eyes darted all over Akaashi’s face and chest, anything he could see.

Akaashi desperately wanted to feel the warmth that only Bokuto could bring. “Bokuto,” he called.

Tears immediately swelled up in his eyes. “You’re awake.” He finally moved his hand the final few inches to hold Akaashi’s face. Akaashi leaned into him, his eyes slipping shut.

“I love you. I love you so much,” he swore, as the pain seemed to ebb away.

“I love you, too. I missed you.”

Akaashi’s eyes opened, immediately finding Bokuto’s incandescent eyes.

“It only lasted a second for me, but I missed you, too.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the simple feeling of being in each other’s presence again.

Surprisingly, it was Akaashi who spoke up first. “When you came in- it looked like you had been running. Did you know I was awake?” Akaashi asked. 

“I-” he paused guiltily, “I may have bribed a nurse to text me as soon as you woke up.”

Akaashi knew he couldn’t laugh, not with the staples holding the skin of his chest together, but he couldn’t help the short, hiccuping laugh that escaped him. “Bokuto- oh gosh.”

Bokuto chuckled with him, fiddling with his fingers, as he waited for him to catch his breath.

“There’s something I need to give back to you.” Bokuto said.

His hands removed the necklace from around his neck. He took both rings off, handed the gold one to Akaashi, and kept the titanium one. 

“Here,” he held his hand out for Akaashi. His laugh was giddy as he slid the ring onto Bokuto’s finger. He smoothed a thumb over it, before offering his own hand. Bokuto took it, eyes shining far brighter than the ring on his finger, and slipped the ring slowly onto Akaashi’s finger. 

They admired the jewelry, contrasting colors, yet representing the same love. 

He brought Akaashi’s left hand to his mouth and kissed his bare ring finger. “I’ll get you a proper one soon.”

Bokuto’s eyes were downright dreamy.

Akaashi’s stomach hurt from all the butterflies flying around.

A day passed and the butterflies were still just as active.

Bokuto updated Akaashi on what he had missed while he was unconscious. He got an A on one of his tests- and a C on another. Over the weekend, he and Kuroo had dragged Kenma out to eat after Fukuroudani won a game, and, apparently, it was one of Bokuto’s best games.

“Coach said I played well, like _reeeally_ well. Kuroo, too! I didn’t flub any spikes, me and Kenma basically read each other’s minds the whole game. And- and coach didn’t tell me this until after the game was over,” he whispered the next part, “but there were scouts there.”

Akaashi perked up, “Scouts?”

“Yeah, from a few professional teams.”

Akaashi’s jaw dropped, “Oh my god, that’s amazing, but, not surprising to me, Bokuto. You’re such a skilled player. Any team would benefit immensely from having you on their team.”

He was flabbergasted, his jaw slack and his eyebrows halfway up his forehead. “I-” he struggled, “that means a lot to me. _Thank you._ ”

Akaashi opened his arms the best he could without pulling at the staples. Bokuto hugged him gently, careful not to put any pressure on his chest. “Its the truth,” Akaashi spoke into his hair.

They were interrupted an hour later by Dr. Toyonaga.

He nodded in greeting to the both of them, “Nice to see you again, Akaashi-san. Bokuto-san.”

After they said their own hellos, Dr. Toyonaga jumped right into why he was there. 

“I just wanted to give you an update about your blood work. Don’t worry, no bad news, I just like to keep my patients informed.”

Akaashi nodded, “okay.”

Dr. Toyonaga went on to explain that Akaashi’s leukocyte count was higher than anticipated, despite the immunosuppressants. He assured him that its hasn’t been long since they were administered, and they will likely kick in soon.

“Your incision is healing well and we’ll soon take an X-ray to see how your sternum is healing, which I’m sure you’re familiar with. If all goes well, you’ll be out of here in about six weeks with an extensive pill regiment, but a working heart.

Akaashi would gladly accept all the pills if it meant he could keep this heart working properly.

Because keeping his heart working meant staying with Bokuto. 

_After all, he had promised forever._

~~~~~~~~~~~

The good news would not stop coming. 

Bokuto barely made it into Akaashi’s room before he was yelling. His face was radiant as he exclaimed, “I made it, ‘Kaashi! I’m officially part of the MSBY Black Jakles! After this next semester I’ll start practicing, and after that I’ll play in the games. Actual, professional volleyball matches!” His arms were a flurry of movement as he spoke, not at all aiding in the removal of his jacket. When he finally ripped his jacket off, he settled into the chair at Akaashi’s bedside. He was breathing heavily, out of breath from his excitement, and beaming at Akaashi.

“I’m so proud of you, Bokuto-san.” His smile wasn’t nearly as wide as Bokuto’s, but it spread over more of his face than any other time before. Even then, it didn’t measure to the pure happiness that Akaashi felt at the moment. He felt like he could run around the hospital fifty times. Hell, if he jumped from the roof, he was sure he would fly.

Bokuto stood up from the chair and pressed his lips to Akaashi’s. It could barely be called a kiss with how their lips refused to do anything but smile.

“I can’t wait to meet everyone and practice with them.” He gasped suddenly, “ _Akaashi!_ You can come see my matches! Oh my god, _oh my god._ ”

Akaashi laughed at Bokuto’s lack of eloquence. “I’d love to. I can’t wait to see you play again, Bokuto.”

Bokuto’s smile turned goofy. “The first time you watched me play,” he mused, “is the same day we started dating.”

Akaashi thought back to the feeling of awe from witnessing Bokuto’s command of the court. Akaashi remembered how Bokuto seemed to hover in midair, weightless. He could still feel the impact of the ball, as if it had slammed straight into his face. The whole match had been exhilarating. 

Akaashi didn’t dare imagine how it would feel to be standing right next to Bokuto, watching as his hand met the ball Akaashi had set to him.

Akaashi hummed, “Yeah, it is.”

They chatted- _they,_ as in mostly Bokuto- about everything and nothing. The good mood permeated the room. It only grew as it was fed by smiles, laughter, and love. Bokuto couldn’t stop leaning in to kiss Akaashi, but Akaashi was no better, eagerly responding and tugging Bokuto closer every time. They were like addicts constantly coming back for more. 

If this is what it felt like to be helplessly in love, Akaashi never wanted help of any kind.

They were unstoppable, and what they had built together was unbreakable.

But only for an instant.

Akaashi felt it as soon as the heart monitor registered it. Wild beeping filled the room and Akaashi could do nothing as his head quickly became lighter. 

“Akaashi? Akaashi, what’s happening?” He could barely hear Bokuto’s frantic voice. He could no longer feel the hand that had been playing with his fingers only a moment before.

Akaashi was going to throw up. Not because of his failing heart, but because of a realization:

_He wasn’t going to ever see Bokuto ever again._

He passed out before he could manage anything else.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Akaashi opened his eyes to the familiar lights and beeping of the heart monitor. The ache in his chest made it hard to breathe, but worse were the rocks that had settled in his stomach. He didn’t know what had happened, but it shouldn’t be this. The rocks were splitting apart and shredding his insides, forcing themselves up his throat. The noise of the carnage was deafening in his ears.

Pain from his hand started to make itself known the more he woke up. He turned his head to the right to find Bokuto at his bedside. His head was bowed, shoulders slumped, and his hands had trapped Akaashi’s in a death grip. Even his multicolored hair was sagging. A thumb was rubbing over the ring on his finger.

Akaashi had to turn his face away. That was not Bokuto. Nothing could make Bokuto look as small and helpless as that.

Nothing.

_No._

This had to be someone’s damn good idea of a sick joke. 

His hand squeezed back involuntarily. Instantly, Bokuto’s head shot up, back straightening. “Keiji,” he said breathlessly.

Akaashi tried to respond, but a croak was all he could manage.

Bokuto quickly grabbed a cup of water and held the straw to Akaashi’s lips. The lukewarm water soothed his dry throat but did nothing to clear the rocks from his stomach. 

“I’ll get the doctor, just a second.” And suddenly his hand was empty.

Akaashi thought back to what he remembered from before he passed out.

The pain was lightning quick, but familiar. When he was younger and surgeries were still needed to maintain his heart, his heart beat irregularly. An arrhythmia they had told him. Or, more specifically, a bradycardia: a slow heartbeat. A few times his heart had stopped altogether. He had felt that same feeling before he blacked out.

“Good morning, Akaashi-san. Glad you’re awake,” Dr. Toyonaga greeted as he opened the door. Bokuto tried to enter behind him, but he held up a hand to stop him. “Sorry, you can’t be in here, only family is allowed.”

Bokuto looked from Dr. Toyonaga to Akaashi with devastated eyes. It looked like he was getting ready to protest, but Akaashi spoke up. “Can he stay? Please?”

He studied Akaashi for a moment, and eventually dropped his hand, allowing Bokuto to enter. He quickly took the seat he had been sitting in when Akaashi woke up and joined their hands.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

Akaashi frowned. _Like my heart just stopped._

“Not great,” he settled for. 

Dr. Toyonaga, too, frowned. “That’s understandable.” He paused for a split second, delaying what they both knew was inevitable. “You went into cardiac arrest.”

The rocks had now liquified his insides and were attempting to break through his skin.

“ _Why?_ ” Akaashi dared to ask. 

Akaashi had to deal with this when he was younger, when he had a weak heart. But the new, healing scar across his chest was proof that he had closed that chapter of his life. 

Dr. Toyonaga was quiet as he looked from Akaashi to Bokuto. Akaashi followed suit, eyes darting to Bokuto’s pleading face and then back to Dr. Toyonaga. The doctor heaved a great sigh, a world upon his shoulders. 

“You are rejecting your heart. Your immune system is recognizing the tissue as foreign and is now attacking it. This usually happens in the years after the operation, that’s what the immunosuppressants are for, but not this time. We monitored you closely and constantly for symptoms, as we do with all patients, and we mistakenly interpreted your high white blood cell count as a lag in the effect of the immunosuppressants, when, in reality, it was because your body was starting to reject…”

Akaashi didn’t hear anything after that. His eyes fell to the blanket that covered his bony legs. 

_It will be here longer than I will,_ he thought.

The tissue box to his left, _that probably holds more tissues than days I have left._

Finally, to his right. Bokuto.

_I promised him forever, that I would fight forever._

That fight had been forcibly ripped from his grasp, shredded into pieces, and thrown right back into his face. 

And here he was now, listening to his doctor tell him that he only had days left before the damage his immune system was inflicting would become too severe. 

From what seemed like miles away, he heard the words, “There’s nothing we can do.” As if the look in his eyes didn’t already make that perfectly clear. As if he hadn’t imagined every possible way he could die by the time he was eight. As if this wasn’t one of those ways. 

Bokuto, however, was a before unforeseen factor in his death. 

_It wasn’t fair._

The room came back into focus with that thought. Dr. Toyonaga was gone, but Bokuto was still there. His head is bowed again, Akaashi’s hand held against his forehead.

Akaashi just waited. He waited for the shouting. For Bokuto’s furious face as he questions why he ever let himself fall in love with someone who was dying. He expected the blame to be thrust upon him, for manipulating Bokuto into staying with him. Akaashi decided that he will not argue the fact, that he will instead accept it in stride. 

He savored his last moment with Bokuto, the greatest thing that has ever happened to him.

But, Akaashi realized, Bokuto doesn’t know how to walk away from him. He doesn’t know how to stop loving Akaashi.

So that moment never came.

Akaashi couldn’t take the silence.

“I’m sorry,” he warbled. “I’m _so_ sorry. When I _finally_ got the call, I really thought it would be the start of us. We would finally get to have a life without the anticipation of my death. I had hope again.” He felt Bokuto’s face lift from his hand but he couldn’t face him. He took a shuddering breath and shut his eyes against the tears that were forming. “But- but I’m not the one who has to deal with that. I get to die. But _you,_ Koutarou, _you_ have to find a way to live with it.”

Akaashi finally looked over to Bokuto. His cheeks shined with tears, his lip trembling. The sight pushes the first tear down Akaashi’s face.

“ _Keiji,_ ” Bokuto’s voice wavered. “If I could go back to when I first met you, well, ran into you, I wouldn’t change it. Meeting you, getting to know you, _falling in love with you,_ I would change none of it. I wish I could fall in love with you a million more times, because it was so beautiful. Our love would have been the greatest.”

A sob wracked Akaashi. A storm had raged inside him only minutes before, but now he was empty. 

He pulled Bokuto closer, and he complied, climbing into the bed with him. A gentle hand on the back of his neck gently guided Akaashi’s head to his chest. He went willingly and when his ear pressed to Bokuto’s chest, he could hear the comforting beating of his heart. 

One hand was rubbing indistinguishable shapes on Akaashi’s back while the other was, again, a vice around one of Akaashi’s. “I need you to know that I’m glad that I’m with you right now,” he whispered into his hair.

Akaashi felt every bit like the picture of pity as he replied, “I’m glad you’re here, too.” 

They laid in that hospital bed, holding each other.

Akaashi could have sworn that he heard the grains of sand falling through his hourglass. He wondered just how little sand was left at the top.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The feeling bubbling up inside him was foreign. It was volatile and aggressive, latching onto everything he saw, heard, and said. Every time a nurse came into his room, he refrained from saying anything because he didn’t want to subject anyone to a feeling that they had not caused.

He didn’t know what it was, but he did know that he didn’t want to see Bokuto like this. Whatever this was, Bokuto was least deserved of all to be subjected to it.

Akaashi couldn’t text Bokuto not to come to the hospital though. He would think something was wrong, or worse, he would think that he had done something to make Akaashi mad at him, which was so far from the truth. 

Akaashi knew he needed to calm down. He needed to extinguish the feeling of anger before it overflowed. He received less time than he would have liked, as Bokuto was soon stepping into his room.

“Hey, hey, hey, ‘Kaashi,” he greeted brightly. A plastic bag was held up next to his face, “I brought sushi.”

The sushi was tasty and settled well in Akaashi’s stomach, which was becoming weaker by the day. Bokuto spoke animatedly about his day, sparing no detail. 

After Akaashi was caught up and the sushi was all gone Bokuto asked, “How was your day?” Just like their first date, Bokuto seemed genuinely interested.

“It was fine.” He told him about what he had to force down for breakfast and Bokuto’s disgusted face made Akaashi grin.

He finally revealed what had plagued him the whole day:

“Bokuto, I’m _so mad_. I- I-” the fury was clogging his mind, robbing him of his words. His hands were white from how hard he was clenching them into fists. His madness was a vicious positive feedback loop. He was mad that he was mad, which made him even more mad.

He was stuck.

A warm hand found its way onto his cheek and slid down past his neck, his arm, and settled over his fist. Gently, Bokuto pried his fist apart and intertwined their fingers. Their rings glimmered happily together.

“Its okay, Akaashi,” he assured quietly.

“I just- I was fine with how I was before. It wasn’t pleasant, but I had no illusions about where I was going to end up. And you, you made it easier to deal with.” Akaashi suddenly realized Bokuto deserved to know exactly how he felt. 

“Bokuto, falling in love with you was the best thing I have ever done. With you I felt like I was finally living, when, before, I was just waiting for the end. And,” Akaashi’s lip trembled, but no longer from anger. “When I got that transplant... _Koutarou,_ I was so ready for a life with you. I was so ready to give you my everything. I let myself imagine what we would be like in a year, even ten years. I had never let myself do that before.”

His eyes finally overflowed past his eyelashes. “But now…” he didn’t need to say it. The hospital room and plethora of medication reminded them constantly.

Bokuto’s sniffle sounded pitiful in the quiet room. “Bokuto, I’m so sorry. I really thought-”

“No- You have every right to be mad. Even I’m frustrated that I can’t do anything, and I’m not the one that has the dysfunctional heart.”

Akaashi swept his thumb along the back of Bokuto’s hand. “Being mad is just so exhausting.”

Bokuto laughed, “And you never get mad, Akaashi.”

Akaashi shook his head, but his smile betrayed him. “It amazes me how life clings to people who take it for granted, people who gamble with it like they need to go bankrupt by the end of tomorrow. It clings like the stench of smoke to someone who goes through a pack a day. And yet, my life slips so easily from me.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Akaashi’s shiny new addition greeted Bokuto as he entered his room.

“Hey, Akaashi!” His eyes darted down to the cannula cutting across his face and disappearing behind his ears, but they darted back to Akaashi’s eyes just as fast.

His hair was unstyled, exactly like when Akaashi finally told him about his condition, but completely dry. As if reading his thoughts, Bokuto explained, “I forgot my gel, or maybe it fell out of my bag, and I didn’t even notice until after I showered.” 

Akaashi laughed gently and beckoned Bokuto closer, satisfied when he moved immediately to obey. “I like your spiky hair cause I can see the streaks, but I like this too.” When Bokuto was close enough, he raised a hand and slipped his fingers into the soft strands. “When its this way I can touch it without worrying that I’m going to mess it up.” He scratched lightly at his scalp and Bokuto’s eyes lazily slipped shut. He hummed, deep and content.

Akaashi rose to press his lips to Bokuto’s slack ones, but he was stopped short by a tug on his cannula. It was caught under his elbow. 

He ended up dragging Bokuto down the rest of the way.

He didn’t mean for the kiss to start off so deep, but with Bokuto’s relaxed jaw it was inevitable. He breathed deeply through his nose as he tasted Bokuto’s mouth.

He wasn’t put off by the deep kiss, far from it.

No protests came from Bokuto, either. 

The hand that slid to his lower back to hold him closer sent shivers through Akaashi’s body, all the way to his toes. To ground himself, he took hold of Bokuto’s shoulder. Their lips slid together insistently. Akaashi’s mind went fuzzy at the small moan that vibrated from Bokuto’s mouth into his own. The sensation of the wet tongue that met his was nearly overwhelming and his chest was heavy with it.

Akaashi had to break the kiss sooner than he wanted. Bokuto’s gentle arms helped him lean back into the bed. Akaashi took a few breaths to clear the fuzz from his mind and relieve the weight from his chest. His eyes slipped open and immediately zeroed in on the blush that covered Bokuto’s high cheeks. Akaashi took a moment to brush his thumb across his red cheekbone, he couldn’t help it, before he tugged the cannula from under his elbow and readjusted it.

“Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened. Just… they want what little blood is being pumped to have as much oxygen as possible. It’ll help with the dizziness,” Akaashi said quietly.

“Oh, ok. I guess that makes sense. I hope it does help.”

“It’ll help me more than kissing you will, that’s for sure.” Akaashi smiled. “Kissing you makes me dizzy, Koutarou,” he added cheekily. 

Bokuto jolted, and if Akaashi thought his blush was cute before, it was absolutely _glorious_ now. Akaashi knew it was cruel, but Bokuto was too fun to catch off guard.

“Agaaashi!!!” His whine was muffled, red face shoved into Akaashi’s middle. 

His shoulders quaked from the force of his laugh. “Sorry, sorry,” he managed. He stroked the back of Bokuto’s head soothingly. Bokuto eventually calmed down with maximal pouting and plenty of head pets.

“It doesn’t hurt right?” His fingers ghosted over the tube, trailing from under his nose to behind his ear.

“No, it doesn’t, but…” He covered Bokuto’s hand with his as he cupped the side of Akaashi’s face. His hand was unsurprisingly warm and pleasantly soft. He let Akaashi form his words, waiting patiently. 

Akaashi broke the quiet with a low voice. “The nurse who set it up didn’t look me in the eye. Nor did the nurse that came to check on me three hours later.” His voice was barely more than monotone as he spoke. “People don’t look at me anymore, and… I think its because they’re scared of me. They look away as if for each second they spend looking at me, a year of their life is taken away. I weigh ninety-four pounds... I can barely walk... I need a cannula to breathe properly despite the fact that there’s nothing wrong with my lungs. When they look at me they see a dead man walking. That’s all I am now. Someone with a much earlier expiration date than expected, and that _scares_ people.” When Akaashi finally met Bokuto’s eyes, they were distressed.

“But not you,” he amended. “You treat me the same as when we first met.”

“Akaashi, I look at you and see the barely there freckles over your nose. I see piercing eyes that reveal just how clever you are, no matter how expressionless you try to make them. You speak only what you mean, and you treat people with this genuine but casual respect that is uniquely you. I see and love all the parts of you,” Bokuto confirmed. 

From first glance one wouldn’t think that Bokuto had a way with words, but Akaashi had learned how Bokuto liked to stitch his jumbled thoughts into eloquent speech.

“I’ll stay by your side as long for as you want me to,” he promised, as if he wasn’t already giving Akaashi more than he deserved.

“ _Forever,_ ” he echoed Bokuto’s words from before the surgery, from when that was a possibility.

Still, Bokuto responded as if it was so, “Done.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

Akaashi had given up on trying to follow the shitty movie that they had settled on when scrolling through the hospital TV channels. Akaashi didn’t mind though, he was content tuning out the TV and focusing on Bokuto.

He was held in Bokuto’s arms, like always, only this time Bokuto’s arms reached further around Akaashi. They felt bigger.

_Or maybe I’m smaller._

Over the past five days since they had found out he was rejecting his heart, Akaashi had not fared well. Now, he was tired constantly, he could barely keep anything down, and he had multiple, severe dizziness spells a day. He was now receiving most of his nutrients, medicines, and immunosuppressants through shots and IV because of his daily vomiting. If he thought he was thin before, he had withered to merely skin and bones.

Akaashi thought Bokuto’s embrace was the best medicine. Though, as much as Akaashi truly believed it, he thought it was pretty cliché.

Bokuto thought so, too, or so he told Akaashi after he mentioned it to Bokuto. The vibrations of his laughter further proved his point as it filled Akaashi with bubbly warmth. He felt as much as he heard Bokuto say, “Akaashi, that’s so chiché, you’re so cute.” Bokuto nuzzled into Akaashi’s hair, still laughing lightly. A laugh of Akaashi’s own escaped him, light and airy. Bokuto found his hand and squeezed it.

Minutes passed in content silence. Bokuto’s face was still buried in Akaashi’s hair as he let the thought that had been plaguing him for the past five days slip past his lips. 

“This heart was never meant for me.”

Bokuto looked down at him, a frown striking through his face. “Akaashi, it just wasn’t a match,” he said tentatively.

“Exactly. Its not a match for me, but it could have been for someone else.” Akaashi’s stomach was turning itself in knots. “That someone is going to die because of me, if they haven't already, and… and that _terrifies_ me.”

“That’s not your fault though, Akaashi. All the tests said that the heart would work for you. And the doctors were just listening to those tests.”

“That still doesn’t change the fact that this heart is being _wasted_ on me.” 

“All you needed to do was fight. _And you did._ I’m now deaf because of how loud you screamed for another chance. I’m blind from how fiercely you glared at this god awful situation you’re stuck in. Akaashi, I’m mute in the face of your demands for life. So simple, but so rightfully yours.” His fingers splayed over the fluttering in his chest. “Don’t say its being wasted, because its _not._ You fought to make the success of this heart a sure thing, so, even if it turned out not to be, its not because you didn’t try.”

“If only my fight paid off,” he said pitifully. The words sounded taboo to Akaashi’s ears.

One of Bokuto’s hands found its way into his hair. “I wish it did too,” he whispered. “I’ve never wanted anything more in my whole life.”

“Not even to play professionally? You’ve been-”

Bokuto cut him off with a quiet but fierce, “ _No._ Not by a long shot.”

Akaashi was stunned into silence, but deep down he knew he shouldn’t have been. If their places were swapped, he would give anything, instantly, to save Bokuto. 

“I love you, Koutarou, so much.” The hand pulled him closer as he added, “Thank you for loving me.”

“I will always love you. I don’t think I could stop.”

Before he lost his nerve, Akaashi asked, “Koutarou, when I’m gone… will you wear my ring?”

Akaashi had been battling with himself about whether or not he should ask this of Bokuto. He wanted Bokuto to move on with his life after he died, but a selfish part of himself wanted someone to miss him. 

Bokuto’s eyes were filled with mist. Akaashi continued, “When you held onto my ring when I went into the surgery, they looked so good on your necklace together. I know it will be hard for you to see them after I’m gone, but- you don’t even have to wear it if it hurts too much, just-” A fist was closing around his throat, making it hard to get the words out. “If- if I can’t be here with you, Koutarou, I want at least a part of me to stay here with you.”

The mist finally developed into a downpour, the tears raced down his cheeks.

“Of course, Keiji. Of course I’ll wear your ring. I love you.”

“I love you.” Akaashi’s voice might’ve been weak, but it in no way reflected just how true and _right_ that statement rang within his chest.

“I couldn’t imagine my life without you. You have become my foundation, my four walls, my roof.” He reached up to wipe a raindrop from Bokuto’s cheek. “Even if sometimes you’re a leaky roof, I love you. I am so glad that I will get to die loving you.”

~~~~~~~~~~~

“I wonder what the stars look like right now,” Bokuto mused. It was getting hard for Bokuto to keep up his mindless chatter. Akaashi’s fading life must bother him much more than he let on. The one thing that had never failed to distract Akaashi- _to make him laugh-_ was now faltering.

Akaashi didn’t blame him, after all, it wasn’t easy having a front row seat to your lover's tragic ending. 

“Probably all dulled from… light pollution,” Akaashi mused. His gentle voice had morphed into a weak drawl. Akaashi’s steadily weakening heart had stolen yet another thing from him. 

“Aww, Akaashiii,” Bokuto whined softly. “As long as its not cloudy, you can probably see them really well.” Bokuto’s voice was quiet, as if all it took to end Akaashi was a loud noise. 

Akaashi didn’t respond. Usually it took him a few seconds longer to respond than it normally did, but this time was long.

“I want to see them,” Akaashi finally replied. 

“Really?! Okay!” Bokuto agreed instantly and Akaashi smiled. His doctors would immediately shoot that idea down, but not Bokuto. Whatever Akaashi wanted, Bokuto would make sure he got. 

They sat up slowly and Bokuto slipped out of the bed. He quickly slipped into his hoodie and jacket then shoved his shoes on. He then turned to the black haired man with his extra jacket.

“Here wear this.” He helped Akaashi pull the jacket past his arms. 

Once it was on Akaashi hummed happily, “Mmmh, it smells like you.” He was delirious from the dizziness and weakness that enveloped his body, allowing anything to slip past his lips.

Bokuto chuckled, “I’m glad you like it. You can wear my clothes whenever you want.” Bokuto wrapped the blankets tighter around the frail man. “Okay, here we go.”

Bokuto hands wormed under the Akaashi blanket burrito and lifted him to his chest.  
Bokuto picked him up like he weighed nothing.

He knew he was alarming thin for being six feet tall. Buried under numerous blankets twenty-four seven, it was easy to hide the severe deterioration, but now it was _painfully_ obvious.

“You good? Is this okay, -Kaashi?” Bokuto asked, looking for any signs of pain. 

“Perfect~” Akaashi replied, sighing. “Take me to the sky, Koutarou.”

“Anything, I would do anything for you.”

The hallway lights were harsh as Bokuto walked them down the hall. One elevator ride later they were standing before the door to the roof, the last obstacle that separated them from Akaashi’s late night wish. 

Bokuto prayed to anyone that was listening that the starlight was bright. He wished even more that it could cure Akaashi’s ravaged heart.

The door’s hinges screeched as Bokuto pushed his way through and into the winter night. 

Bokuto was right. The stars were _luminus._

“Look, Akaashi,” he prompted, as if there was any power that could keep his steel gray eyes from the night sky in the first place. With Akaashi held this close, Bokuto could see the whole galaxy reflected in those eyes. 

Bokuto would be content witnessing the stars from those eyes the whole night. His whole life.

But they didn’t have that, did they?

Bokuto settled them down on a spot in the middle of the roof and the stargazing commenced. 

Akaashi stared, mesmerized, at the little specs of starlight. 

It was impossible to pick out full constellations though, even as bright as the stars were for the middle of the city. Instead, they made up their own constellations, taking bits from one group and pieces from another. They gave them weird names, Bokuto of course coming up with the best and causing Akaashi to snort at each one. Their misty breaths rose into the night, disappearing seconds later. 

“Oh, a shooting star,” Akaashi commented.

“Ah! Yeah I saw it! So cool.” Akaashi watched the condensed breath drift and disappear as Bokuto spoke.

Akaashi thought that a shooting star was a lot like their love. Explozive and brilliant, but brief. So brief that one would miss it if they weren’t in the right place at the right time. Akaashi was so thankful that he had been in the right place at the right time in order to meet Bokuto. His lover. His savior. 

“What did you wish for?”

“You already know what I wish for, Keiji.”

“I love you, Bokuto, but I’m afraid your wishes are wasted on me.”

“I don’t see it that way. You’re worth all my wishes. I would give you all my wishes from blowing out birthday candles, 11:11s, loose eyelashes, and shooting stars. Nothing could convince me otherwise.”

“That’s a lot of wishes.”

“No,” Bokuto said sternly, “its still not enough.”

“You know... I used to think that I was only a background character in this world. That I was living my life… only serving as an extra in someone else’s life.” Akaashi’s hand slithered from the confines of the blankets that surrounded him, keeping him warm. Bokuto’s hand found his like it always did. 

“But, with you, I know we could have been the protagonists of this world. If only,” he took a shuddering breath closing his eyes and bringing their joined hands to his forehead. “If only this heart was meant for me, then we could have had a shot.”

In the face of Akaashi’s depressing conclusion, Bokuto looked pensive.

“Akaashi, you don’t need to change the world to be the main character, nor do you have to know everything about a person to have a great love. You may not have changed the world and you may not know everything about me, but you have changed _my world_ and you love me with all that you are. So, no, I don’t think we wasted our shot.” He leaned down to press his forehead against Akaashi’s. His eyes shined in adoration, molten gold, and his brows were pinched compellingly. Akaashi could feel his breath against his lips as he added, “We might just be the best protagonists this world has ever seen.”

Akaashi had never really believed in any particular god or practiced one chosen religion. But, even as Akaashi’s final hour approached, he decided that he believed in angels. 

How could he not, when one was right in front of him.

~~~~~~~~~~~

A day later, Bokuto held him for the last time as he slipped into a coma. His frail body shut down as Bokuto pleaded with all that he had for Akaashi to stay just a few minutes more. Despite knowing that this was how it was going to end, he was not ready to let go.

“ _Please._ ” He breathed as Akaashi inhaled for the last time. 

Bokuto moved his head to his chest. The final beats of his dying heart stuttered, as if an afterthought. As if it didn’t know its only job was to keep beating. For the second time in his short life, Akaashi’s heart failed him. 

His head sank with the final exhale. The crushing inevitability settled in the room. 

All was still. 

His heart was silent in the aftermath of the struggle between a dedicated immune system and foreign aid. Neither had understood that the fight would ultimately cost Akaashi’s life, and in turn themselves. 

Bokuto hoped they regretted it.

His face was slack. Bokuto would like to think that he was just sleeping, but he couldn’t. There was just something missing. Unable to be fully explained while it was present, but deafeningly obvious in its absence. 

_Life._

As they always had been, Akaashi’s hands were cold. 

Bokuto easily slipped the ring off Akaashi’s finger. The ring sparkled from the oppressive hospital lights. It reminded Bokuto of the stars that had been reflected in Akaashi’s eyes only one night ago.

Doing as promised, Bokuto joined the ring onto his necklace. The two clinked together happily, as if they were finally how they were meant to be. 

Bokuto hoped Akaashi could hear the sound. Somehow. 

Despite it all, Bokuto smiled, “I like them too, Akaashi.”


End file.
